THE QUIET LABOUR OF LEARNING

A reflective meditation on books, creativity, and the quiet human efforts that shape our lives. Through observations of reading habits, craftsmanship, and daily wonders, this piece explores how knowledge grows slowly—through patient toil, gentle curiosity, and attentive seeing.

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Last night I felt fatigued, and I slept early around ten o’clock.
Usually, I sleep near midnight, after reading quietly on the computer.

These nights follow a rhythm—office, dinner, then drifting into soft reading.
My time moves through vivid topics, new yet quietly widening my mind.
I try to know new realities, watching how people move through shifting worlds.
Each new thing opens horizons, lifting a thin curtain from understanding.

I visit sites of great books—fiction and non-fiction by renowned authors.
How many have I read? Yet their excerpts always appeal deeply within.
Whatever touches my mind, I download and keep in my collection.
The Net holds countless books, and my Books folder grows richer steadily.

Not all downloaded books get read; reading demands its own patient rhythm.
Sometimes I open one briefly, letting a few pages settle my thoughts.
Some I print, since hard copies bring steadier, deeper understanding.
But my shelves are full, struggling to hold new printed books.

My cupboards have shelves—upper parts for display, lower for storing files.
Books rest behind books, forgotten after long intervals of quiet neglect.
Whatever lies in sight becomes the next companion for reading.
I choose randomly, reading a little depending on the passing hour.

I read many books fully; others remain half-read yet partly understood.
Their main contents stay with me, even if reading pauses midway.
When time allows, I revisit them for a clearer & deeper understanding.
Non-fiction rarely needs continuity; it can be resumed without difficulty.

Fiction needs a steady flow; beginning midway weakens its world & rhythm.
It must start at the beginning to regain its pulse and plot.
Many fiction books lie half-read, uncertain whether I will finish them.
Great books require time, and both mind and body must agree.

Books are wonderful tools, opening silent worlds inside us gently.
We meet authors directly, as if their thoughts whisper into ours.
Sometimes we agree; sometimes their ideas challenge our inner beliefs.
But we keep what resonates, shaping our personality quietly within.

Knowledge spreads everywhere, maybe our time & capacity are limited.
Creators are like us, but few dare pursue ideas with toil.
Creation & ingenuity need courage, refined through years of practice.
Records remain as an inheritance, carried across generations silently.

Idols, carvings, buildings, artworks, potteries—all shaped with devotion.
Hands & minds move with dexterity when forming something meaningful.
Their motions may look common, yet practice makes them miraculous.
Behind each object lies honest effort, rarely noticed by passing eyes.

Every person is unique, carrying original traits shaped naturally within.
He generates new thoughts and performs wonders during daily living.
We overlook such ingenuity, thinking life is only livelihood & routine.
Yet daily life hides amazements, if we pause and observe gently.

I wished to see colours, tools, cushions, furniture, crafted by human hands.
Individual or collective, every creation becomes a quiet part of the world.
Each year, countless idols of Ganesha & Durga are shaped and immersed.
Many vanish in waters; only a few stay preserved in homes and temples.

See the weaver bird’s nest, the sparrow’s song, the spider’s fragile web.
Amazements surround us; we only need regard and a softened gaze.
Creativity breathes through daily living, whether we notice it or not.
We should honour others’ creations and let them enrich our thoughts.

Writing, too, is creation—quietly shaping reflections into lasting form.
There are thousands of books; readers choose according to time and taste.
Many turn ordinary, overshadowed by better and deeper material.
Yet every creator is serious, giving their best to their work.

Everyone has different levels of skill, yet diversity deserves respect.
Every person tries to create something new and marvellous in his way.
Many works look ordinary, but behind them lie sincere human toil.
With time, all things fade, slipping quietly into forgotten corners.

Our ideas, books, and creations also drift into the past someday.
Yet even small recognition brings solace, honouring the effort once offered.
New people arrive with new things; older ones make space for fresh work.
But they, too, were like us, doing the same sincere human endeavour.
Some ideas endure long, carrying the strength of rare, lasting brilliance.

 

 

Pawan Kumar,

24th November, 2025, Monday, 3:30 PM 

(From my Jaipur Diary 9 September 2016, Friday, 6:49 A.M.)

 

 

Shelters Across Time

A quiet morning in a modest hotel room opens into a wider meditation on the history of human rest—from ancient Sarais and village inns to today’s hospitality structures. This piece reflects on how shelters, in every age, reveal civilisation’s growth, human ingenuity, and our universal need for safety, comfort, and thoughtful design.

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Morning sunlight filters softly through the north-facing window’s frosted glass.
From the bed, one open shutter reveals a peaceful, narrowing slit of sky.

The room is small—about nine feet square—with an attached toilet-bath neatly inside.
A cushioned double bed, ceiling-high cupboard, false ceiling, and split AC make it cosy.
Lights, a fan, two side tables, two chairs, and a mirror complete the compact space.
Its flush door opens quietly into a narrow corridor of this likely G+4 building.

This hotel stands on Railway Road or General Hospital Road in Mahendergarh town.
Below, the ground floor hosts a bank, an ATM, and a first-floor restaurant.
Upper floors contain narrow rooms leading gradually toward nearby residential areas.
Mahendergarh is quiet, filled mostly with two–three storied, low-rise family homes.

D.N. Katewa, EE of CU Rajasthan, stayed here during several official visits earlier.
M.L. Jain, AE, mentioned staying in this same Room 206 a few weeks ago.
The interiors are tiled up to the ceiling—narrow, yet arranged with elegant precision.
Design within tight limits reflects the thoughtful care of capable designers.

Sitting in this small room makes me think about shelters across time.
Architects and designers create marvels when space is limited, but vision remains clear.
Good utilisation brings comfort, and aesthetic interiors naturally satisfy travelling guests.
Hotels offer richer specifications, matching conveniences with visitors’ paying capacities.

Every hotel carries its own identity through façade, layout, and interior movement.
Entrances, receptions, galleries, and toilets appear grand to encourage repeat stays.
Courteous staff and timely service shape how warmly travellers recall the place.
Food and cuisine remain central, since many step out mainly seeking taste.

Thinking of this room takes my mind to older resting places of India.
Earlier, such stops were called taverns or Sarai, essential during long journeys.
Travellers found rest, safety for belongings, and relief after exhausting travel.
They paid for boarding, meals, and small recreations arranged thoughtfully by innkeepers.

The “Bhatiyari”—the woman managing such inns—remains alive in old folklore.
Rest houses became famous for countless reasons, remembered in stories and tales.
Dharamshalas and Piyaus were built by kings or Seths to help weary travellers.
Some offered free shelter, sometimes giving meals along with resting places.

Ashoka planted trees and dug wells along major routes for public comfort.
Kings’ men guarded the roads so travellers could move safely through regions.
Journeys were mostly on foot, by animals, or by slow-moving wooden chariots.
Even royalty travelled with difficulty compared to today’s swift convenience.

Ancient paths were kutcha, passing through thick jungles where fields yet awaited clearing.
Agriculture was limited, as cutting dense forests demanded immense effort.
Wild animals and dacoits made night travel unsafe, so early halts were planned.
Kings travelled with troops, stopping at secure and suitable places for rest.

Deep-jungle taverns were rare; most stood near villages where help was available.
Food, water, and supplies could be quickly reached from nearby settlements and helpers.
Travellers rested, soothed their bodies, and sometimes obtained medicines if needed.
Distances were long, and reliable water or food remained uncertain always.

With a sparse population, travellers often lost direction along unfamiliar jungle routes.
There were no signboards, and rough paths turned dangerous and confusing easily.
Even slight delays could mislead travellers completely into unknown areas.
Many suffered illness, injuries, or attacks—long journeys demanded courage.

Civilisation grew slowly, and knowing this deepens respect for those early movements.
Strong communities cleared forests, opening land for early agricultural development.
Houses were modest, though landlords lived comfortably in nature-rich surroundings.
Superstitions prevailed, yet human interaction continued among scattered settlements.

Such resting stations across ages helped shape civilisation’s expanding pattern.
Today, with increased movement, these facilities grow even more essential.
Roadsides now hold restaurants, motels, and hotels in various sizes and forms.
Each tries to meet customer needs, providing clean and reliable accommodation.

I have visited many such facilities, though coming from a modest background.
For work or necessity, I have stayed in Delhi and several other places.
CPWD has created guest houses in many Indian cities for government visitors.
They include rooms, dining areas, and courtyards for departmental travellers.

The government builds Holiday Homes for officials travelling officially or casually.
Private accommodation remains costly and beyond reach for average families.
Publicised facilities help travellers plan journeys confidently and economically.
Major cities, historical towns, and picnic places host more of these options.

Departments maintain guest houses for their visiting officers requiring a short stay.
Affordability, easy approach, and time-saving remain their primary objectives.
Staying with colleagues brings a warm “we-feeling” and natural comfort.
Inter-department interactions occur, but among our own, we feel more at home.

Meanwhile, the hospitality sector produces many hotel management graduates yearly.
Diploma and degree holders join hotels as chefs, managers, or service staff.
Room service, housekeeping, and cleaning form essential layers of functioning.
Water, electricity, lifts, and sanitation ensure smooth building operations daily.

Hotels receive 5-star, 4-star, or 3-star grades based on the conveniences provided.
Even small hotels maintain modest standards to attract returning customers.
Roadside dhabas serve hearty, simple meals to travellers seeking economy.
Footpath vendors also offer food, used by people according to their means.

Sometimes I feel drawn to understanding such subjects more deeply and contextually.
Every facility carries unique features, and knowing them widens my inner horizons.
As a civil engineer building houses, offices, and various structures, I observe.
Good concepts must be adopted wherever useful; thoughtful seeing opens new fields.

 

Pawan Kumar,

19th November, 2025, Wednesday, 9.31 A.M., Brahmpur (Odisha) 

15 October 2016, Saturday, 7:17 AM, Sakshi Hotel, Room No. 206, Mahendergarh (Haryana)

 

About the Writer

The writer is a reflective observer of everyday life, deeply attentive to history, human effort, and the quiet workings of civilisation. His writing blends clarity with depth, connecting present experiences to larger cultural and historical patterns. With a civil engineer’s eye and a humanist’s heart, he explores how ordinary spaces reveal the stories, journeys, and toils that shape our world.

THE BROTHERHOOD WE FORGOT

 

A contemplative reflection on human conflict, inequality, suffering, and the forgotten moral duties that bind us. The piece meditates on justice, compassion, and universal brotherhood—calling for a more awakened, equitable, and humane world where conscience and shared responsibility guide our collective future.

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Reflection & Expression

What to write when so much stirs within, yet the heart feels uneasy?
There are innumerable nuances, but the pen alone chooses the lines.

People take up many subjects, and richness grows from such vividness.
Each shapes his thoughts in his own manner, and new colours rise everywhere.
Over time, one develops a style, though one may wander through many themes.
What he finally chooses when he lifts the pen becomes his moment of truth.

Many issues burn in the world, and people hasten to place their views.
They get involved sentimentally, as though the events were their very own.
They take sides according to relation, though some still strive to be just.
Man’s vision should rest on natural justice, with empathy for all humankind.

Unrest flows through the world, though its source often remains unseen.
As children, we blamed our elders, yet now we step into the same trap.
The rigidities we believed enlightenment would dissolve still cling to us;
We merely replace old ones with new, without transforming our minds.

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Human Conflict & Suffering

Violence surrounds us as before, even from our younger days.
We thought we would soften the world, yet see how little we have done.
Man gains no wisdom despite daily losses and self-inflicted wounds;
We see no benefit—only death, penury, and lives shattered to fragments.

People die in bomb blasts, gunfire, and senseless cycles of revenge;
Innocents fall to wrath unleashed by the perpetrators of crime.
Children lose parental care, and destitutes fill the waiting roads;
They hardly see their childhood, through no fault but simple birth.

Who spreads such evil designs across the world, and to what end?
Why do noble thoughts not rise to serve humanity with sincerity?
Is courage merely resistance to wrong, or something deeper within?
Justice must be sought by all, though justice never demands killing.

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Inequality, Wealth & Responsibility

Man is often selfish—absorbed in riches, unseeing, sharing little;
Have-nots clamour around him, yet he offers them no justice.
He thinks his wealth was earned solely through his own labour & strength.
He withholds fair wages, leaving others hungry and unseen.

The hunger and depression of the poor keep humanity in dread.
The rich have left little for the rest, making their clamour natural.
As personal wealth expands, so does the urge to gather by any means.
“Let me be mighty over others’ weakness”—such thinking worsens the world.

Though man is social and depends on others for survival,
Profit often stands before compassion in his hierarchy of thought.
More effort, more pain—while the lazy should suffer, they claim;
Yet the masses labour endlessly, and only a few enjoy the fruit.

A little education or a profitable profession becomes a license to encroach.
We learn tactics to rise, even if others must silently bear the cost.
If wealth were shared more wisely, society would rest on level ground.
Hatred would dim, and hope remain alive in every heart.

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Structures, Systems & Human Restlessness

Man builds systems for survival, or cunning ones shape them for gain;
Rules drift toward the few, leaving the many outside the circle.
Simple societies face fewer troubles and show natural equity.
Complex establishments deepen differences—the root of unrest.

Even with respectable wealth, man seldom finds inner peace;
He strives with relentless hunger to gather riches in all forms.
He seldom counts the cost in lives, in dignity, in withheld wages;
Nor sees how greed deepens the suffering of the poor.

We rarely see how many fall behind in this pursuit of gain.
Nor the environmental wounds we impose upon the world.
This does not mean we must remain docile or abandon effort;
The essence is helping as many as we can—making them partners in progress.

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Education, Unity & Shared Humanity

Universal quality education must carry enlightened thought in minds.
Seeing all as brethren, with no real difference among human beings.
Cultural variations in food, dress or living should not divide us;
We are one in essence, though conflict rises for needless reasons.

When will the world accept that all deserve a respectable living?
The Earth’s resources belong to all; marginal life cannot endure.
The world has shrunk into a village, resenting extreme wealth;
No one can suppress others’ expectations forever—one must yield.

Now connected, people see others’ success and aspire to the same.
Religious sermons cannot satisfy—feeding the belly comes first.
People seek equal footing, though it may not always be possible.
Progress and dignity are rights, and repression cannot last.

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Collective Wisdom & a New Social Order

Where is the world heading amidst so much churning in public life?
Who will remind us that we are one, beyond the reach of selfishness?
It is not to feed laziness, but to uplift human understanding;
Some may remain weak, yet we must raise the level of humanity.

The enlightened should act more responsibly toward others.
Rulers should be philosophers, anchored in deeper wisdom.
Equitable distribution of resources remains the foundation.
Without it, no society discovers lasting peace.

How can we strive so that love grows among human beings?
Why must nations and races burn with jealousy each day?
Many theories arise, but which threads truly guide us?
Collective wisdom must lead, and progress must be shared.

What social order should we build, and who shall shape it?
How can we reduce suffering and restore childhood to the young?
When smiles return to all, respect rises for the common person.
When differences fade, a new morning’s light appears.

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Service, Duty & Universal Brotherhood

Which side shall I choose to help equanimity grow in the world?
I have done nothing significant so far that earns recognition.
Why seek publicity? Let work be silent, even if small;
If people gather for a purpose, some good will surely arise.

My assets are not mine—they are capital held in trust for humanity;
I am only a custodian for a time and must use them with care.
I must raise my children well, yet duties extend beyond the home;
Give some space to humanity—you have emerged from it.

Share positive thoughts daily; awaken souls toward enlightenment;
Let all feel concern for every brother on Earth.
Let my wholeness serve the whole in whatever measure it can;
Everything here is taken and given—the account remains clear.

Let my consciousness merge with the vast wholeness of the cosmos;
Let each atom of me align with the pulse of totality.
Let me embrace all beings with full-hearted humanity;
Every life deserves its place—we must not cut it to our size.

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Closing Note

Only universal brotherhood will slowly quieten the world’s strife;
Those who have must bear greater responsibility for the common good.
Let good literature reach all, awakening a deeper consciousness;
Life grows bright only when we can smile with everyone.

“Live and let live” must guide us in spirit, heart, and deed;
Let fresh air move through our souls, and let respect rise from all.

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Pawan Kumar,

14^th November, 2025, Brahmpur, Odisha Time 1:38 A.M. (Midnight)

(From my New Delhi Diary dated 23 July 2016, Saturday, 6:41 PM)

From Seed to Bloom

Written on a quiet April morning in New Delhi, this meditation explores how ordinary moments become the fabric of inner growth. Through reflections on time, change, and consciousness, it traces life’s passage — the human journey from seed to bloom.

From Seed to Bloom reflects an inward journey through time & transformation — a meditation on how ordinary days shape extraordinary growth. It speaks of quiet perseverance, inner awakening, and the art of conscious living. Through reflection & renewal, life ripens — as all seeds must — into its own bloom.

 

Our own life must enter our words, or they remain hollow echoes.
For the days we live are the pages we write — let each be luminous.

Days melt quietly into nights; each dawn shortens the unturned leaf.
We pass through unseen seasons, changing without consent or memory.
Life beats softly, inscribing a book upon the heart,
Yet we forget its chapters, clinging always to the new moment.

What are these subtle threads that bind the story of existence?
How watchfully do we trace them as they slip through our grasp?
In the end, we are shaped by the pattern of our thought —
Self-judgment is the sculptor, self-understanding the key.

But the world sees only surfaces — a face, a motion, a name.
It frames its judgments in haste, mistaking reflection for truth.
Our depths lie unguessed, vast and silent,
While eyes outside weave stereotypes to fill their ignorance.

Can you feel the shifting tides within, from childhood to grey age?
From innocence to ardour, from striving to stillness?
Each day alters both flesh and thought, unseen, unmarked,
As one self dissolves and another quietly takes its place.

Why does life unfold thus — can transformation ever be our choice?
We live in circles of habit, our revolutions muffled by comfort.
The same food, faces, and ideas imprison us in gentle walls;
Change whispers softly, but we seldom answer.

Yet nature, in her wisdom, sometimes breaks the wall.
She thrusts us into a storm, and the calm life trembles.
New souls & strange ideas crowd the path, confusion becomes a guide,
And through bewilderment, new understanding blooms.

An easy life, untested, grows dull with its own ease.
The unchallenged spirit forgets its wings and crawls content.
But excellence is born only in fire — the uncommon effort,
And the courage to stand alone when others doubt.

True change begins within; the world keeps its noise outside.
It guards its grudges and shuns too much awakening.
The only field worth tilling is the soil of one’s own heart;
External change fades — the inner alone endures.

Why, then, do we remain bound to the ordinary?
Each dawn offers renewal, yet we seldom grasp it.
Improvement comes to those who labour daily & without witness;
Transformation is patient and demands constancy more than glory.

What new realms await us when we cross the narrow fence?
When the mind unites with purpose and the will steadies its aim?
Life itself is the altar, sacred and complete;
The higher the offering, the deeper the reward.

Those who explore the body & mind discover hidden continents.
Each experience draws a new line upon the mind’s vast canvas.
Though confusion swirls, the wise grow stronger through them 
For life’s vision is constant: from seed to full blossom.

Who defines the worth of a soul or the flaw of a life?
Each vision is private — no eye can see for another.
We quote the words of others and forget our own pulse.
Be creators for our own sake, and walk barefoot on truth?

What is originality, if not courage born from silence?
How much faith is needed to write one’s honest thought?
The sea of being is immense; few jewels lie beneath 
And only by deep churning does the essence rise.

How do some gather powers & turn weakness to wonder?
They wrestle the self, and victory shapes their grace.
The same limbs & the breath, yet the deeds outshine the Sun
Those who transcend themselves become the light for others.

What is this mastery of force, this secret concentration?
Each excels in their way, yet the soil of fairness matters.
Where equality breathes, the spirit grows unshackled,
And effort blossoms freely, without envy or restraint.

Man must pass through struggle to awaken the saint within.
Greatness ripens in the heat of trial, like gold in fire.
Yet many suffer voiceless, chained by the world’s design,
And not all who strive are seen, let alone set free.

Still, intent must remain pure, with freedom as inward.
The whole world lies open to the fearless soul.
Let the self proclaim its own authority, as it is sacred,
The one companion that never parts from life.

How shall I imitate others when I am a universe entire?
Yes, flawed, yes, unfinished, but full of promise untold.
When the spark of originality burns awake,
Life itself glows beyond its fetters.

Bear no ill to others, build instead a broader ground.
Man’s purpose is not doom, but creation and ascent.
Let each be the architect of his own unfolding,
For the earth holds abundance enough for all.

Live consciously, measure the day not by its hours but its depth.
Let each breath enrich, not exhaust, your being.
Keep the mind luminous and calm; its health is life’s root.
And wander far from the vastness alone, the precious arises.

 

Pawan Kumar,

Brahmpur (Odisha), 8^th November, 2025, Saturday, Time 1:27 A.M. (Midnight)

(From my New Delhi Diary, 2 April 2016, Saturday, 8:50 A.M.)

 

The Discipline of Time: A Lyrical Audit

                           

This reflection serves as an audit of efficiency & opportunity (Kairos). Written at a moment of acute awareness regarding the passage of time, it critiques the gap between intent & action, driven by the imperative to emulate historical "colossuses" before the "best period" of physical strength is fully spent.

 

Each day presents a challenge, so draw the best from the options found;

Yet that full tapping of my inner strength is not yet known or crowned.

 

I conceive a title that would further all true improvement;

But the quick passage of time leaves the mouth just agape.

Why can I not seize the tenets of time, where efficiency is built?

And truly transform the self as others, producing real worth for all?

 

Why is my will not the core of my disciplined self?

Why can I not chart issues with a simple pen and paper?

I can also do a bit, but not only to daydream and retreat;

Enhance memory & writing power, heeding the inner environment?

 

Almost half a life has passed with the best time of physical strength.

I vow to strengthen the core, but time will surely take its final toll.

I must be keenly aware, how much precious time remains in hand,

And can I do something remarkable, to admit then, with no regret?

 

I am now able to select the path and bring forth concrete results;

To make a big goal with intermittent steps to contribute to the daily.

Write daily, maybe at night, as the dawn is for Kadambari translation;

Even that should have been done; such time management is overdue.

 

Do a bit more of life each day, adding internal & external resources;

I am meant to be helpful, soothing the agonies of many like hearts.

Accomplish great adventures, touching on some unusual aspects;

I should seek new dimensions daily to fill the vessel of enrichment.

 

What am I to make of life’s entity, and endeavor all the time?

To engross fully in that task and take each necessary step with intent.

I need to craft a physical environment for a setting of efficiency.

And monitor the progress daily, lest vital things should slip.

 

Be like Dostoevsky, Samuel Johnson, or the great mind of Shakespeare?

Or like Goethe, Dante, Tennyson, Hemingway, or the clear vision of Orwell?

When will I labor on something lasting, as Time is scarce at hand?

But whatever is here, use it optimally; that alone will bring some solace.

 

See Tulsi, Kali, Surdas, Banabhatt, Magh, Bihari, Keshav Das, or so;

Or Ambedkar, with gigantic study & writing, and the big social movement.

A great power is hidden in the man's atoms, and I can also invigorate;

Why remain docile, slothful, unfulfilled, just watching all merely pass?

 

Key to all aspects is the Determination, imbuing both quantity & quality;

If unable to gather many in number, even then, give something unusual.

See Jai Shankar Prasad, Bharatendu Harish Chander, or Vivekananda’s focused life,

Or Keats, Mozart, or Shankaracharya: in a short span, they gave ultimate worth.

 

Stay intelligent & focused, but know that companions can help;

Try the best for yourself first, but the association can strengthen too.

In some two & quarter years of blogging, I have published 180 posts;

Also, some writing is done, but the necessary pace needs to be increased.

 

Make life a worthwhile entity; don’t let it slide unchecked in its own way.

Knowledge only emerges with interactions, but not exclusively outside.

Own meditations & analysis, the right phenomenon is checking the truth;

Living certainly is to be made marvellous by self-working & help only.

 

Enhance self by adopting efficiency tenets; surely it will demand much,

But rewards are fabulous if successful in this fierce orientation with self.

Talk with some successful people, and cultivate true teachers near you,

But if interaction fails, then be a self-teacher, as said by the Buddha.

 

A legendary self is wrought only by rigorous work on oneself.

So be attuned to the core self, and do not let its potential slip for good.

 

Pawan Kumar,

31^st October, 2025, Friday, 01:14 AM (Midnight), Berhampur (Odisha)

(My Diary, 2^nd July 2016, Saturday, 8:23 PM, New Delhi)

 

The Pursuit of Sagacity: A Reflection

The Pursuit of Sagacity: A Reflection

 

This document is a powerful meditation on intellectual humility and the path to wisdom. It charts the author’s frustrated ambition to grasp the complexities of philosophical "giants" like Nietzsche and Kant, asserting a path forward: a commitment to rigorous discipline and the realization that his life is a form of "world's capital"—a resource that must be wisely invested rather than solely consumed.

 

I must also produce some philosophy now; I cannot spend time unwisely.

A sagacity mode must enter, and guide me towards ultimate serenity and truth.

 

Though not expecting the climax instantly to surface, as not yet full-fit to embrace;

I stand on some scale, or at a single step, in the full elevation of ultimate reality.

I do not know how that wisdom comes, but practice in that direction will lead.

Yet I realize that others of my age or even younger have attained immense maturity.

 

The core idea is to be more serious in brooding and extract life's precious nectar.

I must know how to smile enough and share serenity with the people I contact.

Maturity arrives when one starts generalising, and experimentation subsides a little.

But science says to do these modes simultaneously so as to achieve a good whole.

 

I write & cogitate a bit, though not knowing the quality, but I intend on colossal output.

The goal is bigger than me, and triumph is difficult, but my efforts must not go to waste.

At present, it is just warming up, but I can practice rigorously to turn into a true expert.

It is a self’s game, to be won by the self only, and each move will lead to immensity.

 

I talk a lot around me, but perhaps fail to extract meanings out of this delirium.

Surely doubtful, I beat about the bushes, and do not leave this great fool world.

But one type of thought does not lead much; I remain stranded & make no progress.

So train Body & mind correctly, and think to benefit from their good health.

 

Come out of the self to realize full humanity, and brood on general working principles;

Many good aspects are scattered everywhere, but I can establish one small point.

The only thing is to think deeply, say what does that mean, and how does it work.

Not just the touching, but try hard to understand its definition & the concepts behind.

 

Many books lie on my shelves, written by the legends who brood on immensity;

I also try with myself, but I don’t know when the beauty of words will surface.

Still in the first phase, I experiment like a child with things nearby & learning lessons;

I interact with all types & behave thus, though I don’t know the ultimate relevance.

 

Some 15 years ago, Usha said, I don't focus on one point and tend to jump;

She is also correct, similarly, that I must strive to come out of this ‘I-ness’.

The outside world is beautiful; cogitate on that, and derive some good principles.

Satish Saxena says my writings are a bit complex, yet learned have yet to interact.

 

It is a philosophy to understand oneself first, and then relate to the vast humanity.

I am also not different, and working on myself becomes the most beautiful part of it.

Life around me is immense, and each thing is in process for a bigger purpose.

We all construct this vast life around, and all are important on the ultimate scale.

 

I read some philosophers like Friedrich Nietzsche, a German essayist & cultural critic;

His writings are on truth, mortality, language, aesthetics, cultural theory, and nihilism.

The power, consciousness, & existential meaning have influenced Western thought a lot;

He has given the enduring and powerful idea that God is dead.

 

The problem is that I read these great men a bit, but don't understand them fully.

Admittedly, interaction is very little; the concepts are bigger than my simple intellect.

The time given is inadequate, so spare a focused self to understand them.

Plus, be serious in critical thinking; just a surface-level whitewashing is a waste.

 

Judging reveals quite an inadequate feeling; I just roam, while others do great.

So, learn from people how they do it benignly, and best use the available time.

To join the line of colossuses, do something great, and give to the world?

My life is the capital for the world, for its different uses; I don't solely own it.

 

As Immanuel Kant says, man can't know all, and we are limited in everything.

The child is mainly in an experimenting phase and gains life's core lessons.

But the adolescents develop the courage to generalize the essential principles.

And they derive pleasure from them, while the adults see principles focused.

 

So first, acquaint yourself with such great minds and learn the peripherals.

Then go to the core, embracing the deep philosophy to make some sense.

The problem is that within a limited time & mind, I want to grasp everything.

Maybe interaction with the unusual can cause frustration & distance too, at times

 

Everything needs a good mind framing first, so always learn something or other.

Life bestows its blessings on the serious & zealous to move ahead unwaveringly.

Know how to train the mind into a studious mode and make sense from interactions.

By staying with good & wise persons, we can also gain some of life's great lessons.

 

At times, I think of myself as an adult and hence should understand everything.

But realize that the topics & subjects are complex, which often fly over the head.

You must understand that people work endlessly to develop themselves.

Concepts are difficult and need rigorous training to glimpse even a vague insight.

 

Then what to do with myself: just let it remain frustrated, or remain curious?

The latter is beneficial; at least some nearby is understood, and I can learn more.

Though not the best of all, I can try to be my finest, whatever is possible.

With a bit more effort, better learn the concepts that seem perplexing now.

 

I am reading a great book, ‘Everything is Fucked - A book about Hope’;

The writer Mark Manson has also written 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’.

It is a philosophical-cum-psychological work; I itch to know Newton, Nietzsche & Kant.

They are the world’s giants, but we can know, and possibly can pick a bit from them.

 

Readings have shaped me into what I am today, sometimes even during the day

But it should germinate in me too; life’s mortification is one of the main goals.

I am to order myself in the correct direction; many effects consistently shape.

That I can sit with myself gives solace, and not feel ashamed of whatever I am.

 

I don't recall all the great authors, but wisdom interacts with texts & interactions.

I should use that in daily behaviour, making life serene for myself and others.

I meet many people, friends, and I should project myself as a working official.

They expect good projects, as a lot of my good time passes there each moment.

 

Thematic Summary

The Epistemological Struggle: The text is defined by an epistemological (knowledge-based) struggle, tracing human development from the experimental child phase to the generalizing adolescent phase, seeking the ultimate principle-focused adult stage, as referenced through the work of Immanuel Kant.

The Discipline of Sagacity: The primary goal is the attainment of sagacity, which is posited as an act of will—a required self-ordering and training of the mind—rather than a passive acquisition.

The Problem of "I-ness": The work critically examines the concept of "I-ness" (ego/self-absorption) and advocates for an outward-facing philosophy where the individual life is viewed not as personal property, but as capital for the world's greater use, echoing existentialist & utilitarian principles.

 

Pawan Kumar,

22^nd October, 2025, Wednesday, Time 10.15 A.M.

(From my Dwarka, New Delhi Diary dated 27th October 2020, Tuesday, 8:41 AM) 

The Cog & the Capital: A Manager’s Audit

                                   The Cog & the Capital: A Manager’s Audit

(A Philosophical Self-Audit on Duty & Imperfection)

This document is a rigorous philosophical & professional self-audit, penned in a poetic, stream-of-consciousness style on a single working morning in 2017. The author channels the Stoic rigor of Epictetus to examine the inherent conflict between the personal ego ("prejudiced by self") and the necessity of command ("The Imperative of Authority"). It explores the burden of leadership—the need for efficiency, the struggle with human imperfection, and the moral duty to serve a "larger interest" by treating one's life as the "world's capital." The text is a raw, powerful meditation on how to lead with a clear heart in a demanding corporate system.

 

I am what I think, always: whether noble, base, or otherwise;

But can I not mould these thoughts to a purpose beyond my present sphere?

 

I. The Stoic Imperative

What I ponder throughout the day, by night, at dawn, or during office hours:

Is it meant to serve humanity more greatly, or am I merely prejudiced by self?

Admittedly, there is some inherent power built, but is that being rightly governed?

One operates purely by impulse, granting no deference to others' sentiments.

 

Let me conduct this research upon myself; Epictetus demands constant self-audit.

What is the true substance of me, and my parents have already found their rest.

I have family, relatives, some friends, and known ones, if I can claim so;

I have an office to work in, some books to read, and a diary for inner discourse.

 

II. The Corporate Dialectic

I have office colleagues, juniors, seniors, and a firm framework of government rules;

I receive directives from superiors: they wish and expect me to yield the best.

I contend with a demanding client, who has scrutinized me from all angles,

Though its people are now quite friendly, and guide and fully support in proposed solutions.

 

My position fills me with complexity, always demanding some action or decision;

It sets my focus, but has many assignments, thus it prohibits idleness.

I have a client’s patriarch, who has started vesting belief in my strenuous efforts;

I am also delivering through sincerity; great efforts always manifest good results.

 

I utilize a common office vehicle, which conveys me from point to point.

The driver Dayanand is a sincere fellow, fully devoted to his duties.

I sense people fear a little, but within, I grant them respect also.

My mandate is to sow confidence, resisting the snare of quick suspicions.

 

III. The Calculus of Human Flaw

I internalize that all people are flawed and bear shortcomings of every type;

Their minds hold value judgments, which shape their calculus in action.

They harbor words of fear, and bear all premonitions with stretched minds;

They have their physical-mental limitations, some innate and some acquired.

 

If I carry a bias against a particular person, is my thinking justly founded?

I have not checked across a sufficient period, and offered chances to improve upon.

But is that failing so critical that I cannot endure it daily?

All always have a season for learning, but one should at least strive for mastery.

 

IV. The Imperative of Authority

What is the core problem, whether it is an administrative defect or a personal failing?

I am basically not sure how directing or treating one causes him to out-cry.

He may deem me a bully or one keeping the office atmosphere tense.

Is this driven by personal demand, necessary style, or just checking others without reason?

 

I am plain-hearted; I voice my mind where improvement is necessitated.

Yes, I am also bound to answer for my aspirations and committed to myself at times.

I am compelled to be a little harsh; it requires my role to demand so.

Efficiency doesn’t emerge suo-moto; people, at times, must be told in unequivocal terms.

 

All do not grasp action suo-moto; my mind alone discerns the optimal path.

Being the head, the responsibility is to set priorities and time limits; many tasks are at hand.

Others must not lose sight of the total process and be with the scheme of things.

People are intelligent but often in a dilemma, or inclined to body ease and procrastination.

 

V. Management Philosophy

I have learned Modern management over the years, which can be practiced in the field.

How to align people to cherished goals, and what is the ideal way to tune the will?

My purpose is to produce the best results and enrich people with meaningful experiences.

With integrity, they will also benefit; yet you cannot transform all as you wish.

 

But people should accept orders heartily, and the Intelligent perceive the mind's intent.

The given situation sets the priorities; I am to yield my best and show only relevance.

I want to teach the juniors to practice efficiency and heed what the seniors convey.

Their experience and position grant them an edge, even if their stature seems low at times.

 

I am a cog in the overall process; even one loosened belt affects the entire system.

If only the brakes of a cab are defective, even the best drivers fail to avert accidents.

Or its speed will be so diminished that the efficiency will be nowhere near.

Respect is earned by hard work alone; all should internalize this truth always.

 

VI. The World's Capital

Maintain positive relations amongst ourselves and honor what the next one intends;

I simply ignore because of ease, and do not think that others can harm the system.

No one has Absolute freedom available; I must resolve my mind to labor diligently.

Articulate doubts, but avoid overriding, and keep the larger interest in mind.

 

This life is not merely mine, but Nature’s deep repository, and the world’s capital;

This existence is not for self-amusement, but a vehicle to fulfill a grand design.

The machine itself is neither good nor bad, but defined by how it functions in practice.

Man is a tool for the world, an employer, a customer; only the self’s focus is incomplete.

 

Everybody analyses others, me too, with my small mind;

Inseparable from humanity’s others, I also have all the vices & virtues.

All people form judgments, whether they are good or bad.

I also decide what is better, and then step in that chosen direction.

 

VII. Tolerance and Limits

So, do I become so good or bad if I think according to established patterns?

I also have the right to act as I think, but that must be a measured section of effort.

Bear with people to the possibility, and not to perpetually hammer on the breast.

Human relations are slow to develop; don’t expect to reach full maturity in a single day.

 

But don’t tolerate insubordination; yes, I retain the right to speak my mind;

When perceiving myself to be genuinely sincere, I will willingly adjust my perceptions.

Yes, radical improvement cannot happen in a single day; it demands great patience.

I am also tolerant of present situations and others; a mishap can happen with anyone.

 

VIII. The Need for Efficiency

But it is not my fiefdom; my mandate is to present the visual results.

With the inefficient operation & limited resources, sustenance is difficult; it only compounds.

All must contribute fully to their capacities; this can align to produce great results.

Life supports all who work hard, but if seniors fail to produce, you must investigate.

 

But I am not the sole factor in the scheme of things; external interruptions also occur.

They present their pristine expectations to the department, sometimes unavoidable.

I can’t ignore those external mandates, even when much improvement is obscure

I should notice these necessary behaviors; otherwise, things can rapidly worsen.

 

This is a small place with limited manpower, and their designated roles are paramount.

They must attune to the organization's expectations and must exert their best to meet them.

My personal life is automatically supported when done in the overall interests.

It is not only the self but the whole world; I should dedicate all effort to sustain it.

 

IX. Final Audit

I am just indicating here what occupies my mind, though not giving names, etc.

Maybe I will forget this composition after some time when I read it again.

But something should be general, a probability for omnibus thought;

In competitive work, I must labor intensely and be masked as things.

 

Personally, I also need to cultivate a large-heartedness and a smiling persona;

I should see good points also in people, not to approach them with a skewed vision.

I must fill confidence in them, and actively inspire them to avoid plotting rebellion.

Wars are won by the heart’s victory; respect is earned and not merely gifted.

 

Undertake some lateral thinking, can a small extra effort improve things?

Why only see the parts, they may presently conform to expectations?

If not, what means are available for improvement, and whether I tried them?

The Brahmastra must be reserved until all other options are truly exhausted.

 

But great projects require great effort; not everyone possesses the same capacity.

Good and sincere people are the world's assets; deploy such men to the maximum.

People fear trying and experimenting with self; each holds some unique solution.

Seriousness makes people improve, yes, a slightly longer time may be taken.

 

Now I close this discussion, but I need to be a little more pious and clear-hearted.

Focus efforts in that spiritual direction, and expect great goods from the Almighty.

 

Thematic Summary

The Epictetan Audit: The core structure is a practical application of Stoicism, specifically the Dichotomy of Control—distinguishing the narrator's personal thoughts and actions from external circumstances and others' inefficiency.

The Existential Man: The tension between the self and the "larger interest" (Section VI) positions the narrator as an Existential Man—one who finds purpose not in self-amusement, but in fulfilling a Grand Design as a "tool" of the "World Employer."

The Ethical Imperative: The text constantly grapples with the Categorical Imperative of leadership: the duty to demand efficiency (the logos or reason of the system) while maintaining a "clear heart" and granting tolerance (the ethos or morality).

 

Pawan Kumar,

Brahmpur (Odisha), 18^th October, 2025, Saturday, 12.14 AM (Midnight)

(From my Mahendergarh (Hr.) Diary, dated 29th March 2017, Wednesday, 7:00 AM)