Responsible Journey

Responsible Journey

I am feeling well and happy. Since morning only, I was thinking to pen today & bring the self a little closer. Apparently I am with me all the times - in walking, working, eating, doing chores and even in sleep but there is a vast hiatus between intrinsic & outwardly feelings. We are told that a great empire or treasure exists inside which fortunately we can realize but such experience has not occurred to me so far. At times, there are few ecstatic moments while brooding or good reading when I feel closer to self but at other times, only vast gap is seen. Path is endless which at times I try to traverse by taking few paces but that is only when in some brooding process. This diary writing can witness that or close ones may perhaps realize a lit bit. My thinking to self i.e.. strong points – encouragement; weak points - overcoming them & converting into sturdy ones; knowledge about self - making it witness & stopping thinking of me doing a great job for world; thirst for knowledge - enhancing it to the extent possible; quest for excellence - having a real feeling inside & felt by others if possible; choices - strong desires to shape life in own way or in other’s ways also if suiting and I like it.

Details have a large role in life - planning to the last bit possible- preparing self for that, having knowledge of things, reading suitable literature, nearing the best ones, trying to develop harmony in working, respecting the sincere peers, having positive outlook / sympathy for less-fortunate / knowledgably disadvantaged people, and desire to cherish knowledge from superior ones in any field. Respect for excellence is key to progress and leads towards self-actualization winning self, sorting out several small issues & things which the world thinks important. One is to attain vast inner treasure but where, what, how that is - its characteristics, formal forms, and how it is realized? Questions are many and need answers. Several books have been read and many more will be read - timely solace is there also but permanent fixation in mind / body stage is yet to arrive at. Inner is dark and on illumination only, I can realize it? We are told this hidden is the greatest of all other treasures and nobody can snatch from us. Yes, great minds try to share it with others by distributing the realms of inner experiences, and pave ways for inward journey. Blessed ones certainly try to foot in that and great ones realize that vast, endless inner world. My situation is of coming in this unknown land but not knowing anyone who can help. Strange are all things, unknown of the languages, like situation at birth in world, not knowing whether the family where birth taken is happy or gloomy, and even who the mother is. Everything is strange and nothing is conceivable. That is the land of aliens – unaccustomed, certainly quite ignorant, not knowing their way. Nobody is guide and distant goals aren’t known. We don’t have the resources to reach and only grieve own lame, helpless & gloomy feelings.

But we have set out a foot and problem is we can’t return back because being fallen from a great high world and there is not any intermediate place for shelter. It is like of a raindrop fallen from cloud not knowing its culmination - venom, pearl or just vapored away in hot sand-bed depending on where falls. Situation is of not knowing the present, past or future, having quite unconscious mind and just walking as an ignorant. No attachment, feeling, desire; nothingness is only essence or feeling but that also is not known. Life has turned into unconscious one - a dark world where only this pen is crawling on the paper. It is said that this nothingness is of great value as it evacuates self from pre-occupations, false notions, outward imitations and other inhibitions. But this is the situation of the equanimity - no happiness or gloom, the entire world is same. Here I am quite alone. Though no leg-pulling, I still require help - not knowing from where it shall come.

In the start, eagerness is shown to move closer, befriend with self – becoming own support. I am to be of strong will and win self, to be just of self. I have consciously decided to work with it. So in the dark situation of inward journey also, I carry a strong desire & consciousness to cherish hidden treasured goal. Desire is only to realize that Ultimate consciousness. Perhaps it is only here mind is shaped such that outward enemies- kama (lust), krodha (anger), mada (pride), moha (affliction), lobha (greed), and matsarya (jealousy) are away. Problem is how to lead self and what are the steps in journey - trying to understand the apparent facets of inner world - what are they and how to befriend? What are its colors, how do they look, their show eagerness / interest, if any, and any seemingly friendly to be a torch-bearer in the journey? They must have knowledge of that world although unsure because having no knowledge even when seemingly live almost an endless life. But there are few who try to understand this life / world and know more. In this world, we should have such souls as friends, and in other world also where we have stepped in - the amiable fellows whom we can talk, understand signs and aquatint and so on.

So who are these friends or guides in this serious journey? In childhood, we used to listen from epics that some unknown helped the seeker in furthering his journey. Although the help is situation-specific and not a sure sign of success but certainly a harbinger to move ahead because we have to pass through many realms successfully before reaching the ultimate one. For every situation, solution is unique but that has to be found. Personal valour, strong earnest and non-stopping attitude creates a winner. It is the journey of no rest. In rest also, brooding is about it as journey is more important than achievement because it enriches with vast intrinsic experiences and nears to self. So now we should have certain unknown as friends - who can be these? I think they are attitudes, qualities with which though aware already but didn’t give much attention. Sages have listed few as honesty, compassion, truth, equanimity, behavior as we want for us or so. These are important not only for outer world but also for inward journey as they provide required strengths to traverse fathomless distances. So consider some of such strong points as friends in this journey.

One character from inner world understands this desire and expresses this as unique, and only the bold can enter while the weak ones have to give way. Since I have tried entry, decide the goal - is it really so or simply acting or dramatizing but intents are good and strong. Then the message comes - try to be a good human, useful to others, loyal to responsibilities - not imposed by others but out of respect respect & fulfill them faithfully. Try to impart the best - in speech, actions and behavior. Don’t speak omens & stop blaming others - it only shows own wickedness, weaknesses and ill feelings. Have good feelings for others - well-wishers or otherwise. Try to do as many good deeds as possible. Pass the life in the best way that on its passing, there is no regret. Life is the name of living i.e. consciousness, control over one’s thinking & physical actions. Bring dignity by actions, be repose in disposition and lead people in sympathetic ways. Understand humanity and have respect for that. Be systematic in approach and efficient. Try to cover many things in least possible time, efficiently but do not compromise on excellence. Give importance to time, people & available resources. Try to live the best in present moments and realize their importance. Goal shouldn’t be for self only but for entire humanity also including children, spouse, parents, brothers, sisters, their children, fellow villagers, relatives, neighbors, friends etc., and helping in own ways. How can they be developed to the extent possible? Being from a needy social arena, there is a more responsibility towards it. Not to live only in own fool or some may say happy world but having regard for fellow citizens and doing something positive shall be a little service to humanity. So besides job or home duties, social responsibilities should also be part of journey. Admittedly resources are scarce - but knowledge, enlightening, inspiration and goodwill shall also be asset for them in a large way. 

So life is not only of self and family but for all & loving the background where born. Motives are firm and unwavering, and shall certainly do the best possible. Problems are many and larger society needs to take responsibility, be a more caring,  reasonable understanding for disadvantaged, doing best for excellence and undiminished will to progress and not to look sad, increasing participation and so on. So I should try to do job in the best possible manner and excel in working I am responsible. May be I am successful in realizing the results in the outward & inward scales, and that will be tribute to self and my thoughts.

Wishing a Best Journey. 

Pawan Kumar,

20^th August, 2016 Time 23:42 Mid-night

(From my Dairy dated 07.05.2006 Time 6.00 PM)