Owning
Self
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Today is holiday being
Good Friday, the day of crucification of Jesus Christ, who will resurrect
after 3 days on Easter Sunday. This is the day perhaps to remind us that good
cannot be killed. This is the spirit that people should continue doing good
even if failed in in-between struggles. Spirit of winning good sees things in a
long perspective and empowers man of surety of good results if deeds are pure
for humanity. Although we all think always doing only the right things but
inside or in core of hearts, know that we do wrongs many a times. We simply
fool selves that we are right; however, the concept of righteousness is
comparative as it varies from person to person. Person who is meditative &
thought-explorer / analyzer on some right scale (parameter he chooses basing on
knowledge perception & judgment), shall probably be able to better judge
his thoughts & conduct than one who doesn’t much heed. But knowing only
doing good or bad is also not much important unless we convert the spirit of
right conduct in day-to-day living. Perfect living devoid from duality of doing
wrong & perceiving right can only lead to the way of sagacious ones who
have tried to give humanity something. The seer also tends to see the good
ignoring bad, concentrates on spreading more good in the ambiance. In book ‘Secret’, Rhonda Byrne implies that
the things we weigh more shall flourish more, and concentration on health,
wealth, wisdom, goodness, etc. shall only lead their flourishing. So we should
shun negativity & concentrate more on life essences.
Exploring self is not an
easy task as it first does away all superficiality – uncovering, realizing
true-self, and ensuring that I am not a dual man. Good / bad, sane / fool,
right / wrong, true / false, confident / diffident, happy / sulking, rich /
poor or so on, are not hidden. I see self as exactly I am. But just sitting in
meditation only doesn’t uncover, and despite intention, self is nowhere visible.
It looks just trying to turn the pebbles scattered in front. Stones are many
but may contain one diamond also hidden which I am not able to trace. I don’t
know the ‘Inner engineering’ or the ‘Art of Living’, which may be perhaps due
to too much dirt, and be able to see piousness inside i.e. Atman or soul. That
realization is perhaps only the goal of Yoga-Samadhi,
but journey to Samadhi is long one and one has to cover
several intermediate stages. Of course, one can know those stages and practice
even but ultimate aim should be Samadhi.
While treading the paths, however, there are chances that we get lost in
myriads of interior turbulences, and forget the real goal & hardly attain
any stage. Although attaining internal goals itself is also a matter of celebration
& satisfaction but not necessarily the ultimate aim. Idea is not to ignore
but they shouldn’t be the goals in themselves considering the value of
ultimate. They are like our customs & rituals – helpful but not the final
ends. We are to opt for best for churning out the precious. Uncover &
uncover – go inner & inner, broaden horizon, see things more clearly, and
inculcate habit to ponder deep. But question is what this pondering depth is?
Is this what I am doing exactly now? Perhaps not – because I am not much near
depth, although come at certain distance from outer consciousness but not
attained the pure consciousness hitherto.
Great people have gone
deep and tried to take out best from inside – may be ideas, writings, social
service, discoveries, inventions, education, medicine or any other field. They
have used the findings of inside to outer fields, and their acts have greatly
benefited the Humanity as such. Although everybody is doing his / her best but
there is certainly a comparative scale with those who really tend. This tending
again becomes a question – what to tend – what I am tending now or should tend
at the moment? How can visualization be purified to bring more good ideas at
this juncture? Mind shouldn’t be heavy rather be light to give way to the
coming ideas, welcoming them, and be receptive rather rejective. Mind becomes
here self and self the ideas which lead to true victory & a controller of
self. When we know selves, there is nothing to know of others. Then it is easy
to realize others as they are only more or less like us and so we needn’t to
fear. Life is to be lived and we need to interact with selves for this, do
internal discussions, throbbing, and set calmness for true happiness. Aim is
now to enlighten self to reach the self. Path is to be lighted as dark is
everywhere but I am not able to perceive anything, just converse in words not
knowing what is happening. The question of self-victory needs be answered
instantly. How to discover self and where is that hidden? I am to find this at
all costs. May be this is also not appropriate enough but my intentions of
attaining that self-hood are clear. This is a challenge to self and I am to
succeed. I am to be honest to self, make this low-life a gem, and give this
world a good human so that at least one rascal is lessened. I am to smile at
success – the real worthiness and facilitate attaining other goals related to
outer duties. But at present the field is only inner one. Dear Almighty, kindly
enlighten, help / facilitate to reach to real essence, do good, soothe and
fulfill the dreams cherished.
Thanking
you.
Pawan
Kumar,
4th September, 2016 Time 23:02 Night
(From
my Dairy 02.04.2010 Time 12:36 Noon)
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