Probing Self and High Aims

Probing Self and High Aims

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Deep sensations often do not surface in me

Many a times I just show outward morality.

Reason that I have not cleaned the self fully

Just tried to touch the topic but not done good reading.

Neither understood the full contents nor author’s message

but show off  to be near to the great immortals.

Too weak in self not daring even the self-confession  

Leave others for time being, fear to nake self before self.

Not behaving as a bold fellow, not keeping utmost sincerity

Just talk of the virtues but not much bringing into practice.

Go on seeing many injustices around me and the neighborhood

But never do something to ameliorate their reasons.

Generally remain mere spectator, sometimes sympathizing too

and the conditions remain as they are with or without you.

Sometimes try to intervene which are under the limits

But do not try to experiment with the slightly difficult ones.

Need courage to speak mind & show some light

and making a better world than when I entered into.

There are many dark chapters which I don’t want to read

or when they come to mind simply tend to turn away.

Cannot disclose to self, may be they are known to others

but pretend that nobody knows about them.     

Though idealism is itself worth to follow in the life

and transcending that even, to take to great scales.

But by just closeting in house, how can you discern goods

and make some trials to do bigger tasks than only scruples.

Urgent need of deep sincerity and the beautiful mind

Leave habit of suspecting others for no reasons.

Do not start with negative thoughts for the little things,

And respect others for their view points also.

Do not judge others as is not needed many a times

Many things work of their own, so try to bear them.

Not every point needs your reaction at all

In otherwise case, it should be correct and not-damaging.

Outing with children is must which not happens many a times

Spend quality time with them though tired at times.

Not only precious to me but also developing their good future,

Also their affection & love are the greatest assets of me.

Finding not full compliance of many moral issues

Just saunter hither-thither, whether knowingly or otherwise.

Have not tried to become true spiritualist or the moralist

but only tried to emulate a few tenets of the gospels. 

There are many stalwarts, courageous in several aspects

Not only living present lives but also for the posterity.

Able to prove them legends without fear or avarice 

As duty is the supreme reason to come in this mortal world.

I do not know exactly how this world really works

People behave in their own ways but pretend otherwise.

Remain unanimous in speech and action,

and still try for the seemingly good ones.

Not able to go deep inside though try to bring out

People say that a great treasure is hidden inside you.

Not aware what to write, so poor pen does ordinary job 

Otherwise it can be a vehicle of the great tasks.

What knowledge, lessons, stories, epics, stoics have I read so far

Some great poets, learned immortals & many geniuses of yore.

Do I benefit from them or simply pass the time,

Or my love is of some use, or just the dustbin waste?

Do I not beat about this bush with this paper & pen,

and not produce some significant whether of nature or self.

Have not sketched any live or good experience earned

And developed good memories of events and immortalized them.

Some seriousness is required but question is how to develop 

I need my outward stripped to show the inner core.

Many have spoken on topics of various interests

and benefitted people with their knowledge worth spreading.

Join some university and become a universal man,

Also try to be polymath & one truly learned.

Be interest in many things and produce some good results

and time is quite ripe for bringing you forth.

In readings of Thomas Carleye, heroes are also writing men,  

And their worth writing becomes heritage to the world.

They just dare to experiment with their noble minds

and start talking with inner selves for benefit of all.

Main aim may not be to influence the people around

May be it was self- satisfaction or cool their inner fires.

Their deep anguish not letting to lie in the status quo,  

And constantly agitate their minds to produce something artful. 

Action is not only toiling on fields or fighting on borders,  

But also the self-churning to unravel the deep miracles.

Pick the way for mortification or discipline of self & appetites

and also to reach some conclusion for peace with the self.

When behavior becomes exact and practices the perfect

and self always tries to attain some meaningful.

Having so much good to learn or unlearn the falsehood,

And there is no rest for wasting the precious.

When you are courageous, fearless, disciplined & rule abiding,

And honest in behavior with sensibility in actions.

When helping becomes nature for benefit of all

Piety, pity, humanity, humility, perseverance & tolerance get fixed in nature.

When conceit, outer showiness, craving of false praise,

Go away from you and cherish the true values.

When simplicity becomes a part of you leaving all complexities,  

You are able to simplify things to make them understandable.

When wisdom develops in thought and action

and self confidence and analysis become your assets.

When reactions are contained and discourse restricted to issues

and babbling is no more there in wasting time & mind.

When the charlatans are spared having realized they are like that

But with aim that they will soon realize their unlawful acts.

And will act now in the responsible & befitting way

and shun away the practices adopted before.

Much is not in your hand but try to enhance sphere

Extend your limits and try with positive minds.

Explore ways to find solutions and try again & again

Stumbling is only process, so do not be much perturbed.

Keep faith in self and aim some greater goals

If not have fixed so far, immediately start with one.

I have not tried deep sincerity but only spoken & written at times

But not worked really on them and much time thus has passed.

Great philosophers tend to meditate the deeper thoughts

They learn tactics to understand causes of ways.

How do things happen and what can be their betterment

and then dictations did they do to sketch out mind before.

Mind is no bigger than our experience conscious or unconscious

But that too is so tremendous that processing needed is great.

It is CPU of mind that works on the tasks assigned

but it needs specifications to bear the load of tasks & time limits.

Yes of course your enrichment is needed in a great way

Your RAM needs increasing to produce better results.

Similarly you internal & external memory for storing the data

Because inputs are necessary for producing any results. 

Your correct programming is required for the given task

You need power & servicing for starting on the desk.

System should be in working condition of good make & parts

and will to start on this is the foremost requirement.

There is so much so all around and I idle doing nothing much

People becoming good orators, authors, politicians, engineer & doctors.

Fashion designers, TV anchors, panelists, specialists in many disciplines 

Similarly the yogis, preachers, consultants and good service providers.

People are richer day by day while you sleep in your home

They are writing novels, poetry worth publishing many a lot.

They are winning noble prizes for their sincere works

They do not accept defeats so easily and remain walking in solitary mode.

Great strides in economy, commerce, trade or banking

Construction technologies, software, computers or mobiles.

Vehicles, jewelers, strugglers, farmers, tradesmen or so

Everybody trying his best to leave behind the rest.

When so much is there and not much competition if you will

Leave lethargy and aim great for benefit of you & family.

Family here means the entire world as I am citizen of this

Everyone’s contribution is there in me benefitting in all times.

Real issue is what can I be and what is to immediately start

And what are the spare capacities and how to put at best.

Life is not scampering to waste energy hither- thither

but to focus and produce results remarkable.

Chief anguish of not-knowing needs some immediate solution

My job is of course good but not for the life whole.

I am to go beyond my present livelihood

and start dreaming big and trying for achievement.

My knowledge, my energies, my ways need some release

Not only for my own but also everybody and all.

I can bring smiles on the faces of my known ones

Keep them happily by help or soothing words.

Writing is ok but what the best can be produced,  

Can I write my experience or philosophy I have attained so far?

Do I remember names of people & sayings of worth mentioning,

And how can I gather data for that too assembling?

Thousand of subjects, each needing own mastery and skills

Try some field work and order the data correctly.

Know how to arrange and produce a good paper

And make it lucid and acceptable to the knowledgeable ones.

Shun false beliefs and adopt really action words

Don’t waste self and choose the life cherished one.

Spend it in the best way you can and don’t hanker vices

and keep on going always in the path of progress.

Thanks

Pawan Kumar,

22nd May' 2014, Thursday, Time 01:29 Midnight

(From My Dairy 2^nd October’2013, Wednesday, Time 9:45 PM)