Before Life Starts

Before Life Starts

This poem explores the feeling of uncertainty & introspection before embarking on the journey of self-discovery & life's true meaning. Written in a reflective tone, it delves into themes of personal growth, the longing for clarity, and the aspiration to break free from the limits we impose on ourselves. It captures the fragile balance between seeking understanding and coming to terms with one’s place in the vastness of life and the universe.

 

Lying in bed, neck on the bedhead pillows

Nothing in the mind, just dare to open some windows.

Where this hand takes me, nothing is known
Embroiled in myriads, feel everything is forgone.
What is my role in the life yet to come?
I am just sleeping, and life has not begun.

A mirror of life—I long to see in my face
To know how I stand, and what is my base.
The commentary on life was once my dream
But perhaps forgotten now in life’s real stream.

Everything feels empty, both in mind and sight
Mired in darkness, with no glimpse of light.
I dreamt, someday I’d take a long flight
But when that day comes, the wait is a fight.

Immaturity of mind and personality, I see
Yet I yearn for some sanity in me.
Not just passing through nights and days
But standing forthright, finding new ways.

Your kindness alone shall help pave my way
If only you’d find time to embrace my dismay.
Neither the pleasure of sleeping nor dreaming
But to see life truly, in its living and meaning.

When the goddess of learning shall grant her boons
Though I’ve done little to earn her silver spoons.
The essence of life, I haven’t grasped yet
Even so, I aspire to be her quiet pet.

Essentialities of life I can chart into
Dignities of Eternity I can fit into.
Responsibilities toward self I must own and see,
And life—mine and the world’s—is true to be.

 

Pawan Kumar,

20^th April 2025, Sunday, 12.28 P.M., Berhampur (Odisha),

From my Diary dated  22^nd August 2009, Saturday, 11.50 PM

 

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About the Author:

Pawan Kumar is a contemplative writer and poet who reflects deeply on life’s struggles, joys, and uncertainties. His works explore themes of self-awareness, personal growth, and the eternal search for meaning in both the mundane and extraordinary. Often using poetry as a means of personal reflection, the author is driven by the pursuit of clarity, embracing both vulnerability and strength in the process of self-discovery. The author finds inspiration from their journey through life, always striving to understand the universe’s vastness and his place within it.

🖼️ The Canvas Within A Reflection on Self, Struggle, and the Subtle Purpose of Life

🖼️ The Canvas Within

(A Reflection on Self, Struggle, and the Subtle Purpose of Life)

✨ Introduction

We often find ourselves swept up in the everyday—meeting deadlines, meeting expectations, and managing tasks, while barely pausing to ask: What are we becoming? This piece is a quiet journey into that question. Through reflection on the mundane and the meaningful, I’ve tried to explore how we shape our lives—and how, in turn, our lives shape us.

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📜 Main Essay

Yes, a man ought to see the broad canvas of life—add sweetness to the daily mundane work sphere around and make that time the most useful. We are all, in some way or another, fastened into many kinds of traps daily—caught pondering over the situation and what can be done with it, often wrapped in some form of anxiety: how to handle the given tasks efficiently and earn the accolades of others, particularly seniors. We judge situations from our standards, lifestyles, mentalities, and attitudes—how we interpret Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats (SWOT), along with our inner perplexities and hesitations. Then we decide—how or whether—to act on the tasks in front of us.

An able person always fills himself with meaningful tasks, even if they are not outwardly imposed. We often find ourselves burdened by others' expectations—whether we meet them or not. Yet, depending on how our sincerity and working style are perceived, people form their opinions about our usefulness, adequacy, and reliability. Life becomes a bundle of mental constructions—not just our own, but those others make about us. These constructions don’t form overnight; our subconscious, over time, processes each interaction and influence—and we respond accordingly.

We make perceptions ourselves, but those too are shaped by how others behave, react, respond, communicate, and present themselves. We observe how an individual supports us in shared pursuits, how they engage in learning, and how much they commit themselves to producing results that serve a common purpose.

In truth, we are complex machines in ourselves, working incessantly on the innumerable facts spread around—especially the immediate ones. We may not be grand visionaries, often unable to see beyond the pressing needs of the day. Daily chores consume so much time and energy that little is left for deeper pursuits—the “Doodle-Dos.” Some get absorbed into superficialities: the externals, the pass-times, the fake smiles, the opinions formed too quickly, even as they carry deep doubts about their ability or worth.

This is the paradox—we often fail to shape our present in a way that prepares us for the best possible future. We feel fractured, fragmented, uncertain, hollow at times. Yet with just a little more effort, a little more inner work, we could cultivate the trust, appreciation, and worth we seek—not from others alone, but from within.

If we are to act within a system, we must learn to sit with the appropriate thoughts, correct faults, strengthen the inner being, realign ourselves with purpose, and come above the pettiness that binds us. We must remember: that we have been given enough time and energy—we only need to redirect them wisely.

We must strive to understand our broader reason for coming into this life. To advocate the right values. To inspire the good in others. It is a quiet tragedy when people die silent deaths—never knowing their truest selves, never stepping outside their self-constructed limits, never seeing themselves as part of a greater design.

Why can’t we come out as strong men and women—breaking all the shackles that hold us down? Why can’t we rise, proving to the world we are second to none? We, too, can help this world run better. We can build a better understanding. We can spread light. We can connect in a common cause, purge our vices, and begin walking the path that leads us to universal truth.

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🌌 Closing Thought

Admittedly, we are small in ourselves—perhaps even like specks of dust. But we are also cogs in the broader scheme of the Universe. That, perhaps, is the essence of life: to dedicate ourselves to that higher unfolding.

And now, especially with the divine grace we cherish, the cause becomes even more sacred. It must inspire us to become better human beings—helping one and all, with sincerity, strength, and a deeper commitment to the good.

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Pawan Kumar,

Berhampur, 6^th April 2025, Sunday, Time 1:49 A.M.

From Berhampur (Odisha) diary dated 5^th December 2024, Thursday, 9.46 A.M.

✍️ About the Author

A quiet thinker rooted in everyday experiences, the author reflects on self-worth, spiritual insight, and subtle inner growth. His voice resonates with those who seek purpose amidst routine and peace within the effort. He writes not to preach—but to pause, and understand.

 

In Nature’s Arena – Reflections on Power, Pride, and the Human Journey

 In Nature’s Arena – Reflections on Power, Pride, and the Human Journey

This reflective piece explores humanity’s eternal struggle within the vastness of nature and time. It contemplates the delicate balance between survival, power, and pride — weaving through cycles of conquest, decline, and renewal. Rich with philosophical musings, it calls for humility, courage, and compassion as the enduring values that transcend fleeting victories. A reminder that while empires fall and beliefs shift, dignity and the bridges we build for humanity remain our truest legacy.

 

The world is a wondrous apparatus — an eternal melting pot where destinies brew. Within its vast churn, man flows as a fragile entity through endless tides of time.

Each of us views the world through narrow lenses, shaping personal realms. The microcosm cradles us, while the macrocosm beckons — vast, intricate, and infinite. Wisdom lies in bridging the two — finding meaning in life’s quiet and grand spectacles, and realizing that our true essence is tested by how gently we embrace this cosmic flow.

Across the universe, countless atoms dance, merging into life’s myriad forms. Species flourish — some proud, others humble. Man, caught in fleeting pride, forgets the vastness of life beyond his grasp — blind to the truth that life thrives unseen and mighty alike.

Nature, patient and intricate, allowed man to wander, build, and dream — raising homes, claiming lands, and unsettling balances perfected over ages. With every conquest, he dims diversity, chasing desires without pause, seldom reflecting on the path or price.

Inequality is nature’s quiet truth — strength, agility, wisdom — gifted unevenly. From microbes to towering beasts, each claims its place under the sun. Yet man, forgetting humility, rarely bows before nature’s silent majesty.

Senses shape our journey — each vision is uniquely framed. Our tastes, fears, and joys tune us to what sustains or threatens. Some become seekers, others predators, while many drifts — balancing existence, hearts rising and falling, minds wrestling quietly with power, peace, and purpose.

Time teaches survival through courage, compromise, and silent resilience. Each day tests us — fears loom, aggression rises, uncertainties linger. Speaking truth becomes a quiet act of bravery, costly but necessary. Often, silence seems safer, fearing a world not ready to hear.

Vanity, scorn, and restless pride mark the world’s stage. We barter fragments of truth for survival. Beliefs harden, power clusters and noble thoughts struggle amid the din — walls rise, keeping out voices once carrying hope.

Crafted doctrines thrive — tools of the cunning, silencing the meek. Some claim divine lineage, wearing pride like a celestial cloak. Superiority is preached, dissent suppressed, and softer voices fade as if the vast sky belongs only to the few.

Yet, noble souls rise — hearts dreaming of a gentler, kinder world. They proclaim no one higher, no life lesser — every being worthy of sun and soil. They remind us to rise above pride, embrace grace, and sow seeds of goodness — for noble conduct lets humanity’s finest dreams endure.

Time flows vast and relentless — swallowing the mighty, the meek, the forgotten, the famed. We pass through this silent funnel, drifting past truths, often blind to signs. Perhaps glimpsing the end would soften us — helping us leave behind more light than shadow.

Around us, political storms rage, social tempests gather, and nature reminds us of our fragility. Volcanoes erupt, floods rise, earth trembles — while power shifts hands like restless tides. Despots fall, warlords rise, ideologies bloom and crumble — only change endures, nature’s truest law.

Still, some cling to harsh visions, crafting worlds that stifle the human spirit. Yet, even they are swept away — time’s tide forgives none, not even pride. So, fear not — stand with grace, speak gently yet firmly, holding convictions close. Rise where it matters — for dignity is earned, not gifted.

And this is humanity’s quiet, enduring call: To rise above petty fears and break the walls of pride and prejudice. To see the world not as dominion, but as a shared home for all who breathe. And to leave behind not walls, but bridges — where every soul finds its place.

For in the end, what truly remains — not power, pride, nor gold, but the kindness we sowed, the bridges we built, the hands we held.

 

Pawan Kumar
Berhampur (Odisha), 24th March 2024, 01:59 A.M.
From Mahendergarh (Hr.) Diary dated 29th June 2018, Thursday, 8:49 A.M.

( Pawan Kumar is a poet, philosopher, and reflective writer who contemplates humanity’s journey through time, nature, and the ever-changing dynamics of power.)

Breaking Walls, Building Bridges

Breaking Walls, Building Bridges

This reflection explores how individuals and communities overcome prejudice, self-doubt, and social barriers by embracing diversity, nurturing self-worth, and creating space for every human soul to rise equally.

Yes, I must carry a global outlook and prepare myself to embrace diversity.
How can I truly fit into a world shaped by different faiths, regions, and people?

Everywhere, I see people living together, yet often labeled as outsiders —
their identity judged simply by origin, faiths, customs, or ways of life.
Migration is natural — people settle across lands carrying their beliefs,
but true integration often remains incomplete, leaving invisible lines within society.

Building a society is slow, layered — demanding time, patience, and tolerance.
We must share festivals, sports, schools, dialogues & politics — offering space for all.
It takes conscious effort to shed superiority and open doors with grace.
Yet, many believe themselves entitled to decide who belongs and who is left out.

I believe that when people truly live together, understanding deepens.
They share their best — literature, customs, knowledge, science, and dreams.
It is human nature to show our finest, knowing we’re judged by what we present.
Still, daily life reveals our true selves, and others form lasting impressions.

Therefore, carrying ourselves well is wise, as society places us in categories.
Prejudices — shaped by past images — cloud fairness.
Society assigns us roles — flattering or diminishing.
Overcoming low perceptions requires hard work, courage, and dignity.

I read yesterday — healthy jealousy inspires both individuals and communities.
"When others can, why not we?" — a thought that pushes us to overcome weakness.
We must maintain courage, polish our image, and walk confidently.
Our manners must fascinate — never stoop, never accept being looked down upon.

Aim high, speak positively, and radiate dignity in every step.
Reject lowly status or mockery — prove your worth through action.
Break every barrier — confront, challenge, and rise with pride.
True, the powerful cling to seats, but we must claim our share of good things.

Reveal your strengths, and master the world around you.
Adapt, adjust, and shine — even in lands not your own.
Early settlers may not welcome you, but goodwill remains your best offering.
Suspicion and resistance exist — overcoming that shapes us.

Look closely — status is earned by belief and effort, not birth.
Weakness is accepted when we stop believing in our worth.
Reject defeat, stand tall, carry confidence,
yet remain open-hearted, courteous, and mindful of others.

The world is a sieve — a great leveler assigning place by merit.
Each of us holds unique elements — with destinies, strengths, and limits.
Our differences are real but must never divide our work or dreams.
Reputation is earned — through courage, planning, and action.

Give others confidence — never let inferiority take root in anyone.
As we seek respect and fairness, we must offer the same.
Making the world equal starts with small, positive gestures.
Those labeled lowly deserve dignity, rights, and their share of life’s blessings.

Respect grows from knowledge, power, and achievement — strive for all three.
Reputation is built by seizing opportunities and rising above setbacks.
Competition is fierce, failures many; friends or family may grow jealous.
Some may pull you down — but persistence, not approval, truly wins.

Success doesn’t come by chance — it belongs to those who prepare &  persevere.
Build skills, express yourself, connect, and embrace your strengths with pride.
Owning your virtues is a triumph — polish yourself until respect follows naturally.
Communities must rise the same way — earning their place through sincerity and effort.

Leaders must embrace all — this is how great societies grow.
Our ultimate aim is to create a world — free from prejudice, open to all,
where every soul finds acceptance, dignity, and space to rise.

In the end, our greatest legacy lies not in the power we gather,
but in the bridges we build — where every voice finds its place.

  

Pawan Kumar,
20th March 2025, Thursday, 01:27 A.M.
From my Berhampur (Odisha) diary — 31st July 2023

From Fire to Thought: Humanity’s Unfinished Quest for Knowledge

From Fire to Thought: Humanity’s Unfinished Quest for Knowledge

This poetic prose traces humanity’s journey from primal survival to intellectual awakening, from ancient wisdom to scientific revolutions, and into an era of artificial intelligence and boundless knowledge. It explores faith and reason, progress and conscience, technology and wisdom, ultimately asking: As machines advance, will wisdom keep pace?

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The world expands in its vastness, yet within it, silent forces shape destinies. Minds are molded, ambitions ignited, as unseen hands direct the course of history, weaving the present from the threads of the past. Societies rise, driven by ideas that linger, adapt, or vanish. Some are whispers that fade, and others become foundations that endure. Truth bends, reshapes, and reemerges—never still, never absolute.

Man, in his earliest form, wandered untamed—his hands rough, his mind wild, bound to the rhythms of earth and fire. He sharpened steel, raised walls, and waged wars for land and power. Hunger dictated his fate, belief guided his path, and wisdom flickered dimly like embers waiting to be stirred.

Yet within that darkness, a spark—a restless mind, a questioning gaze. The sky became a map, the stars a language waiting to be read. In whispers first, then in carvings upon stone, knowledge took form, breaking the silence, and freeing the mind from its chains. The first thinkers, the first dreamers, laid the foundation of all that would come.

Centuries passed, and the hunger for learning deepened. Gurukuls, madrasas, and monasteries became sanctuaries where thought was nurtured, and where scrolls & scriptures carried the weight of civilizations. Masters passed wisdom to pupils, the old instructing the young, ensuring that thought never perished.

In ancient India, knowledge flowed like sacred rivers—vast, ceaseless, profound. Aryabhata gazed into the heavens, Charaka and Sushruta unraveled the mysteries of the human body, laying the foundation for medicine. Nalanda’s grand halls echoed with debate, Takshashila welcomed seekers from distant lands, where ideas traveled across borders, shaping the minds of kings and scholars alike.

Beyond, in the world’s distant corners, knowledge followed its own path. In Spain, France, and Italy, universities rose, beacons of thought amidst the stronghold of tradition. Theology, law, philosophy, and art intertwined, scholars, questioning, debating, and seeking beyond what was written. At Bologna, Oxford, Salamanca, and Al-Azhar, reason fought for space, knowledge pressed against walls of dogma, and light crept into the corners of constrained minds.

Change was inevitable. The Industrial Revolution roared to life—iron and steam, wheels and fire, reshaping the world at an unforgiving pace. Factories rose, locomotives streaked across continents, and ships conquered the seas. Humanity, once bound to the toil of hands, now wielded the power of invention, accelerating progress beyond imagination.

Trade flourished, borders blurred, and trust became the new currency. Where once distance divided, now steel and steam united. The old world shrank as commerce and culture intertwined, and knowledge spread faster than ever before.

Then came electricity, circuits, and speeds beyond measure. Moore’s Law foresaw a world where intelligence outpaced thought, where silicon replaced parchment, algorithms replaced scribes, and machines became architects of perception. The age of computation dawned, where ideas no longer lived in books alone, but in codes, in networks, in invisible transmissions.

Yet as machines evolve, will wisdom match their stride? Will the human mind expand, or will we surrender thought to code, choices to logic, and souls to artificial hands? Quantum leaps unravel time, neural networks stretch into the unseen, and circuits pulse with knowledge once beyond reach.

Machines may calculate, yet man still dreams. He seeks meaning beyond numbers, beyond artificial constructs. Science heals, plagues retreat, hunger fades—but wisdom must remain the guide, lest all advancement become void of purpose.

Justice rises, and voices break the silence, demanding fairness, demanding unity. Where once there was division, hands now clasp. Where oppression reigned, new systems took shape. The echoes of past revolutions resound in the present, urging humanity forward, and reminding it that progress without conscience is a hollow triumph.

Communism called for equality and democracy for power in the people’s hands. Across centuries, revolutions shaped nations, and with the right to choose, humanity seized its own destiny. What was once dictated is now deliberated, what was once imposed is now earned.

Newfound power gave rise to hope—justice standing tall, unyielding. No longer could prejudice dictate fate, no longer could hatred reign unchecked. A new era took shape, molded by reason, by the unrelenting march of truth. Knowledge became a force no longer locked behind walls but open to all who sought it.

Innovation redefined the world—planes bridged continents, technology erased borders, and science illuminated the unknown. Trade flowed across oceans, and knowledge leaped over walls. The future, once uncertain, now gleamed with infinite possibility. The barriers of language, geography, and class weakened before the force of human ingenuity.

A new dawn emerged. Faith and reason found their places, no longer in conflict but in dialogue. Traditions evolved, adapting to the light of understanding. Wisdom filled the spaces left behind by blind adherence, forging a path where belief and knowledge coexisted—not as adversaries, but as companions on the road to enlightenment.

No force could now silence the free mind. Truth had found its voice; knowledge knew no chains. The world, smaller yet boundless, soared on the wings of learning.

A realm of wisdom now stood where darkness once ruled. Minds unshackled, reaching beyond, into worlds yet unseen. From stars to atoms, from thought to reality, the quest shall never cease—for in seeking, we find, and in knowledge, we rise.

Yet the journey is far from complete. What lies ahead—an era where wisdom and technology unite, or a time where machines dictate and humanity follows? Will we continue to seek, to question, to dream beyond the limits we set for ourselves? The answers remain unwritten, waiting for the hand of history to inscribe them upon the fabric of time.

Pawan Kumar,

27th February 2025, Thursday, Berhampur (Odisha), Time 01:03 A.M. 

[From my Berhampur (Odisha) diary dated 29th June 2023, Thursday, 8:27 A.M. (Eid-al-Adha)]