Shortness of Memory

Shortness of Memory

A lot many days have passed since last diary writing. Lot of water has flown though the Ganges but in this dairy the world has stopped as if. I am embroiled in myself and my laziness and mind’s deliriums have not made me to write. This habit only has stopped me bring a regular scribe. What comes into the picture - the irregular, stray and jigsaw sketch of events? Neither there is good and true sketch of the events into the picture, nor does the mind ’s good representation also makes its imprint - only the bleak footprints of time. Although there is so much on daily or hourly basis that if it is quantified, shall be more than consumable even in months. There are daily newspapers, magazines, internet material, stories, essays, biographies, auto-biographies, discourses, etc. Millions of persons of the world contribute in increasing the printed material. Day by day number of literate persons is increasing. There happens so much in one day that it is physically impossible for one to go through its details. World is very large and what we come to know, is a very small fraction of the happenings / events. In such a situation, how can we remain connected to the flow of world's life?There is so much all the times on TV channels, albums, music, religious discourses, philosophic / spiritual explanations, adventurous events, sports activities, scientific inventions, discoveries to explore our owns, sea explorations and every such event, etc. A little bit which seems as important becomes  the news and comes to us through various means. But importance of one news of a particular place is not as important or relevant to another place. 

But the events are continuously happening to all the persons all the times - good or bad- may be recognizable or not. Many a times, the events don’t remain relevant or known or remembered to one even after a small time. They are just happening as if we are made for the happenings only. Are we more than that even? Are we not consisted of events or can we say that we are only the events? We exist because there are events - what does it mean? Perhaps it means that we are eternal at any stage of life whether childhood, youth, old or whether in sleep, awakened, lazy, active or so. We know selves for a brief period of time by remembering our past since say the age of 6 or 7 years - that too the events more important. 99 % of events are forgotten, and only the rest lives in the memories. Sometimes we are able to make a little sketch of them, and many a times remember a few things only after a long time. We tend to forget events on day to day basis but may remember some continuum of that particular spell of time. We can say that this is the footprint of particular period of our lives. Only few events remain recognizable after sometime. I suppose that a person will be able to recapitulate a very slight of his whole past after sometime. It is natural and nothing can be done to it. But if we are able to catch our lives on day to day basis, we are perhaps better able to explore it, mention it and keep into records for a longer time.      

Pawan Kumar, 

24th April' 2014 Time 23:54 Midnight

(From My Dairy 19th August'2007)

Recording Events & Human Limitations :

Recording Events & Human Limitations

-------------------------------------------------------

It is night time of today i.e. 6th January' 2000. I am again writing in this dairy after a long gap. Though it remains with me all the times and I intend to write frequently, writing becomes possible only when mind is ripe. Sometimes other reasons being very important and urgent overpower, and the important task of writing goes in the back stage. But I think that if dairy is written regularly, it can certainly keep a better record of the daily happenings and the thought processes. While writing, many new things start reflecting in mind quite amazingly. It is a better thinking process involving both thinking and writing simultaneously. Our writing reflects whether we are some real stuff or just try to enthuse selves. 

Many a times, we are just mired with tiredness, tardiness, unwillingness which makes us quite deviant from an ideal situation we should adopt. Sometimes practical requirements make the results different from what we had planned. But do we really plan or even think to plan? The planning itself is not a goal but a requirement to better manage the whole life through implementing & controlling the things. But can we do as machines? Certainly great accomplishments require great sacrifices & experiments which men of the highest order always try. Bertrand Russell used to write daily almost 2000-3000 words not for the sake of writing but to experience the finest through the mind. I think that I generally write so as to explore what I call myself. I want to dive deep into realms of the perceptions which my mind can achieve. My mind is not just an organ enclosed in skull but really remains busy in its work, and one shall be declared non-living without if it does not work. I need to train it for 'free-thinking' meaning forming opinions on the basis of reasons, independent of authority or tradition, etc. It should not just mire in average leisurely working, tiring with very low output. For good output, I thought to impart the best inputs to it. 

I need to plan my life. There are plans - five yearly, yearly, six-monthly, quarterly, monthly or daily or so. I need to think and plan for me and family life after 5, 10, 20 years or so. Similarly it can be for progress of the community, society or country. I am studying Management which can throw some light not only for managing own life but also of our families and societies. I need to use my education to make my office environment more efficient, and bring some positive attitudinal changes so as to improve the overall performance, credibility and operation. There are many questions but do not stop, find some more. Involve your colleagues to explore as the right questions can only lead to right solutions. Though improving work environment is not my personal problem but being one organ of the department, I also owe some responsibility to find solutions to its problems. One is to build a team building and involve as many as possible. Try to implement techniques / philosophies of management studies. Do not accept defeat even before venturing. Be innovative and try to convert ideas into results. This will certainly contribute a lot to the efficiency and your own uplifting into your eyes. 

From the last writing, enough time has become history. Though not being in any one's control, people may define it in their own ways but time has its own process. Over the time, the remembrance of past gradually fades from people's minds as other current issues become more important. Moreover the events remain unknown to most of the people. Whatever we know from newspapers, magazines, etc. is just a gist of the happenings. Many events remain unreported. Everyone has very limited time and it is impossible to go through all the events happened even in single day. In fact, our own lives in themselves are happenings only. We are what we experience, but many a times that is also not recorded. We are not perfect in ourselves, and may not have time for this recording. Then only the current knowledge is not sufficient - you are to know the past and trends leading to the future. No one can fathom how much past has already passed and what percentage of that is recorded. How much do we know about that? Similarly is the projection about future likely to come. 

We know our very vast universe has evolved after 15 billion years ago event ’Big Bang'. Our Solar system is  a small part of the Milky way galaxy, one of some 200 billion galaxies of universe. For us, our solar system is very vast. We, as man, have just landed hitherto only on moon, though experiments are on for Mars and after sometime we should tour there. Our space shuttles like Voyager etc. have tried to scan our system but seeing the vast distances between stellar bodies, the speed of shuttles or rockets is very low. Then man's life itself is very much finite and when the universe's limits are in billion light years - then how man sitting on small planet of Earth can venture through it fully? Question is big. So my submission is that - our knowledge is very much limited. We do not know whether there are any habitable worlds besides our blue planet Earth. We do not whether there are any other universes besides ours. When we are not able to venture within ours one, can there be possibility to find others or we guess their presence.

On our earth even, life is not so easy. There are many disciplines-new inventions, explorations, findings or so on. Human Genome Project is one where some 3 billion DNA locations are to be found. We do not know many of the human diseases. We are not able to communicate in other animals' languages. We have some understanding of large form animals but not of all, and how do they communicate. We have many micro-organisms in our earth - land, water and atmosphere, how do they respond? As we see or observe them - do they also observe us similarly? I do not say man has not progressed but is that progress known to everyone or can one just know all the things in his entire life. Certainly not, because field is very vast and we have very limited life span. But that should not dissuade us from trying to know the world as that would mean death- death of all inventions, innovations, our own soul even. I read a quotation from Carl Sagan's book saying, 'I shall prefer knowing a single cause than to reign over the land'. So inquisitiveness, inquiring, curiosity, willingness, trying, exploring, observing, experimenting, etc. are some words leading to the overall improvements in the life's perceptions. 

Pawan Kumar,

18th April' 2014 Time 19:59 PM

(From my Shillong Dairy 06.01.2000 midnight)     

Man and His Working

Man and His Working

----------------------------

Today is 25th December' 1998- the Big Day as we call in India - the Birthday of Jesus Christ 1998 years ago with the birth of Christianity and start of the Christian era. The time flows very fast at least since the Big Bang as we don't  know much before that. In the evolution scale, the term 'millions years ago (m.y.a.)' is mentioned as if were one or two days ago. Man has come very recently in this Geological Time scale, say some 2-3 m.y.a. after the process started with Dryopithecus some 10-12 m.y.a. Evolutionists inform that the modern human or Homo sapien sapien is contemporary or slightly after of Neanderthals who became extinct some 50,000 years ago. The whole 'Neolithic revolution'  is only 10,000 years ago. I read today in newspaper that the 'writing' itself is some 5300 years old as found from Egypt. The old religions e.g. Hinduism or the natives in modern forms must then be not very old. 

Man on the average lives 60-70 years or at the most nearly 100 years leaving some exceptions. In any age there are only few truth seekers, who try to do some good for humanity and by their actions become the harbingers of the revolutions in all walks of life. Although we cannot ignore the commoners' role also in development but generally it is the serious ones only who make the solid impressions. They can be saints, philosophers, prophets, scholars, observers, scientists, technocrats, medicine men, naturalists, etc. but the wheel of progress / development really paces by their efforts. Had they stopped working, the whole progress would suffer badly. So the truly sincere fellows work endlessly in their efforts, not in selfish motives but for the whole humanity, and bring results worth mentioning.

What actually is this whole humanity, and are we duties bound towards humans only? Humans who were very few in numbers in earlier times, slowly grew in numbers at the cost of others. The all areas earlier inhabited by other living organisms, were captured by the humans - not only due to greed but also their sheer demand. The human population outnumbered but other creatures e.g. many varieties of plants, trees, animals, fishes, insects, etc. diminished in numbers and many became extinct for ever. Earth has seen the periods e.g. giant reptiles which thrived in 'Jurassic Period', became extinct due to one reason stated from striking of asteroid with our earth some 105 m.y.a. Tigers, elephants, rhinos, blue whales, sharks and many others are fast depleting in numbers by the actions of humans. Yes recently, the peoples' attention has gone over the fact and to save them from being extinct forever. But the greed of man is pernicious e.g. in our country Veerappan, the smuggler of tusk and sandal wood is still away from the hands of law. Many of the so-called law protectors are themselves violators hence we cannot expect much from them.

The humanity itself contains varied differences whether in the name of religion, nationality, race, economy of rich and poor, caste system, etc. Surely few persons prey on many, although the form of oppression may change context and shape. Like many in nature, man is basically a selfish animal, and thrives at the cost of others leaving only minuscule for others. The ruling system which has come out from the people's needs itself, has evolved from primitive draconian. The mightier used to take away the share of the weak ones. Some clever practiced other forms as one fishes with bait. But there were some sane fellows who argued against all forms of oppression and many a times revolted also. But their role generally confined up to the crises period and again the earlier system started taking place. Sometimes the oppressed ones also raised voices against the injustices & tyrannies over them and at times succeeded also. But the stronger tended to suppress any such revolution which might hurt his interests. However, the good thing came out from such process was the realization of the injustices fallen over them, and some hope that they can avert them. This only gave them a chance to dare when the situation permitted. The consciousness of one's status & condition, and knowledge of their destiny regulators is the blind man's stick. Until people realize themselves, there  can't be much respite.

In any society, there always exists a situation when the mightier snatches the weak's share. At times persons in power seem to safeguard the rights of commoners. However in the war times, victory of one king over another state was also one form of dreaded ambition whether it may come by killing of many innocents. May it be Alexander the Great, the Babar, Timur Lane, Chinghej Khan or others, all have won victory only through battlefields. However sometimes, such incidents have totally changed the course of history e.g. warrior king Ashoka became the 'Ashoka the Great' after his victory over Kalinga when he saw many non-maligned & innocent people killed / wounded, might be they fighting for one party or other or even neutral. Ashoka then became the sage king who then renounced the war, worked for the welfare of public, and followed the teachings of Buddhism. The Lord Buddha had left home at a young age of 30 years, when he was Prince Siddhartha, after having encounters with deceased, ill, old and the happy one. These incidents enchanted Sidhartha so much that he proceeded to forests to understand the miseries of man and their solution. He has given a lot to the world, and his teachings are still relevant in today's time.

         

Today the world is slowly becoming 'global village', when the communities are fast coming closer to each other. The population of plural world is nearly 6 billion and man is exploring all the areas of development. The subject 'Anthropology' studies about the life-profiles of different communities in the world. There are some communities who  till recently were ignorant of the developments of the mainstream world. They had their indigenous system of governance but there also we don't find perfect harmony. They also have crimes, scapegoats and vices practiced over the innocent ones, but these simple societies are egalitarian in nature. As the societies become complex, inequality start germinating between its people, resources start accumulating in some hands leaving others only hand to mouth. 

It is true that by nature, some persons are industrious, lazy & not-willing to work, and some workaholics-looking busy doing nothing or so on. Some are more efficient than others by means of resources, chances, background, intelligence which provide them upper edge than others. They are relatively more successful and the haughty among them think that they are the genius and have every right to exploit anything whether it may be by toils of others. Others, who are not so lucky, remain satisfied by taking as their luck sometimes embroiling in anger or cursing the lucky ones. Personally I consider any such condition as bad for their health. They need to maintain a healthy attitude towards the successful persons. Admittedly everybody is not equally qualified for all types of jobs but the successful should make his feat, the feat of all compatriots. He should embrace the failed ones and not let them feel hurt. The failed should also take it sportingly and consider it sheer competition, and should again try to win the game by more preparedness and zeal. For any success, one has to be mentally prepared to face any eventuality seeing the nature of competition and participants. 

This is also equally true that all persons cannot compete with extraordinarily prepared ones. Here is the role of government to save them from extinction by  positive discrimination.This is not to favour any crutches but some protection is necessary to make them fit for facing any eventuality. Equal competition should also pace with equal facilities & equal preparedness. But this is also true that one can do anything if he sincerely desires so. Yes for that a great zeal & effort are required, and many become successful also. So a strong will to succeed is needed besides the environment. True success is not reining others but overcoming one's limitations perpetuated. Moral elation and strong will power to change the course of the humanity will bring rescue to the millions.

One personal message - stand up. Awake, awake and proceed till the aim is achieved - the greatest message of Swami Vivekanand.

Pawan Kumar,

15th April' 2014 Time 23:45 Midnight

(From my Dairy dated 25th December' 1998 Midnight) 

Republic Day in Shillong

Republic Day in Shillong

----------------------------------

Today was Republic Day i.e. 26th January of 2000. The country is celebrating the Golden Jubilee of the day after completion of 50 years of adoption of Indian Constitution on 26th January' 1950. While the whole country was busy in celebrating this national day, here in Shillong the curfew was imposed since yesterday's 5PM to morning of 27th January. Reason is that the locals don't want to celebrate the India's national day festival and they imposed curfew. People tell that such incidents are common on 15th August and 26th January every year. People  of the country should be allowed to move freely on all the days as the fundamental rights are granted to them by the Constitution. The state governments also seems to not interfere much for fear of worsening situation. 

Last Friday & Saturday, the PM Mr. Atal Bihari Bajpayee had been here in Shillong with his team. He met Chief Ministers and Governors of these seven states and of Sikkim, and has granted a package of Rs. 217 Crore for the development of the region. Because the insurgency or subversive activities are inversely proportion to development, it is felt that there would be improvement in law & order situation in the region, and people will enjoy more freedom and the rights enshrined in the constitution. The people in these states are mainly tribal. Though very innocents. lately they are slowly becoming conscious. Consciousness about one's present situation and finding ways for its improvement is a very good sign but by threatening outsiders and stalling development activities makes only adverse impact. Last days, terrorists killed one senior government officer in Manipur for the reasons not known. In pockets there are rumors of extortion. In such situations, doing business becomes difficult. 

By what means people can think development to come to this region? This region is on the rapid way to attain literacy. Mizoram is the state having highest literacy rate (%) in the country, and there is no militancy nowadays. Shillong city's literacy rate must also be not less than 80% but the curfews are imposed here. Yes, there may be some genuine demands of the people but stopping people celebrating national day is a matter of concern. People fear to come out in open this day and unfurling flag becomes a crime in the eyes of curfew-imposers. What is the solution to curb such tendencies? Govt. should employ strong law & order  and mobilize the local population to curb such activities. The educational system should inculcate the spirit of nationalism and patriotism right from beginning with emphasis to integrate the young blood into national mainstream. Also it should pursue some NGOs to start welfare oriented nation-building activities. Today evening I saw three boys of age around 15-16 years smoking some intoxicant or narcotic. What will be the future of the state of the country or state when its young is sunk in drugs, narcotics and very worldly passions. And perhaps in north-east narco-terrorism is the main reason for subversive activities. 

One hope coming to mind is to use the services of the church and missionaries to convince people to come into Indian mainstream as this will entail them more benefits.  This area is catholic Christianity-dominated and people have great respect and faith in the church. The missionary people have brought much development in this area, and they can sincerely motivate the people. Moreover, the out-siders posted / business men should try to win the confidence of the locals so that they consider them not as aliens but the agents to help in development. The main thing is to present sincerity of the motives besides improved law & order situation. The development of the area with honest means and focus to bring the people to come into mainstream  will help in long run.

Pawan Kumar,

12th April' 2014 Time 23:24 Night

(From Dairy 26.01.2000 midnight)     

Great Pursuits and Expectations

Great Pursuits and Expectations

--------------------------------------------- 

This is 30th January, the day in 1948 when a fanatic Nathu Ram Godse  shot dead Mahatma Gandhi at New Delhi. On April 14, 1865, John Wilkes Booth, a slavery supporter assassinated Abraham Lincoln, the President of America as he believed that Lincoln was determined to overthrow the constitution and destroy his beloved South. Mahatma Gandhi was shot dead for struggling for all the citizens of the country irrespective of religion, region, etc. On 30th October'1984, her guards shot dead  Indira Gandhi for the reason that she ordered raiding Golden Temple at Amritsar supposing that Sikh militants were housed therein. After that there was retaliation and thousands of sikhs were killed. In 1991, her son Rajiv, the former Prime Minister of India, was killed in human bomb explosion at Sriperumdur (Tamil Nadu) as he had helped Sri Lankans in fighting LTTE militancy. President Premdasa of Sri Lanka was also killed in the same way. On November 22,1963, John F Kennedy, President of USA, dedicated genuinely to world peace, economic justice, and social equality was also assassinated  because some persons thought that he is harping on their interests. On April 4, 1968, Martin Luther  King Jr., a prominent activist  of African-American civil rights was assassinated at the age of 39..Similar has been the fate of many persons who had bigger goals in their minds.

When one is in political power and takes action, it is not necessary that all may not like their actions, and such repercussions are possible.  Sometimes the great persons get reward like this. I think that such persons know very well that they can meet such treatments but continue to work on their cherished dreams or paths without much heeding reactions. So the question is why some people kill or do not like the noble souls. There is one simple saying: 'When you don't act, you need not to worry about anything'. People may just label you incompetent and at the most, may remove you from position. But selfish persons find non-action easy because then they do not expect any repercussion against them. But great persons are not lazy idles or fools, and are rather very active, intelligent & wise. They always keep noble goals in their minds perhaps much dearer even than their lives. They go on working without much expectations from others. 

For pursuing success of any great aim, the support of the associated persons is mandatory. The adoption of basic management steps of planning, organizing, directing, monitoring or controlling, and finally analyzing, is necessary for full working on it. However while working with people, one need to keep in to mind that all persons are not equally competent. Also they may not want to be in any competition with others in excellence. We cannot expect much from such persons. So it is necessary that we build our team by such persons, who match our inclinations. Effectiveness comes through the right persons working for the right cause at the right time - a key to success. I had read a quotation 'You give me seven persons who have courage & strong will and, I can show different face of the world in seven days'.  This seems to be little hypothetical but it is true that some persons are really more remarkable than many others. Their contribution to the society or nation is far loftier than even cumulative effect of many. When Guru Govind Singh called for five persons who can sacrifice their lives for greater cause of saving religion / country from tyranny of Aurangzeb, then five people, lovingly called as 'Panj-Piyare', came forward and supported Guru in his noble cause. So we need dedicated persons who are willing to sacrifice self for the sake of greater cause. 

Nowadays we hear about 'human bombs' - what does that mean? We believe that not every agent comes forward willingly for self-killing for such heinous crimes, and generally such people are the blackmailed. However, there may be chances that a few in them join with their own will considering the mission as more important. Certainly their actions cannot be justified at all, but they adopt such ways despite  that. Truly it is not always possible to make everyone happy. I am totally against any form of terrorism but believe that the society should have some means for venting out of one's anger, frustrations, resents, etc. if he thinks that the existing system does not work for the general public or so on. Each system should take care of the legitimate rights and demands of people. In a civil society, it is desired that that people in power use their muscles for the general good of the society with more focus on the unprotected. We have a written constitutional system. Most will get justice if its working is in accordance of the well-intended purposes. The correct & rapid justice deliverance system punishing guilty and protecting innocents will make most people satisfied and then they will have faith in the country's system. The reverse behavior by the government system will only create frustrations in people adopting  unfair, illegal means also sometimes for resenting their grievances. 

But who is the real culprit? Some persons outside the system want their presence felt by adopting ulterior motives / means. In that case, the system should promptly identify them and reprimand because they may harm the society by confusing the innocent, young, pliable chaps; and persuade them to take up illegal ways. This can result in irreparable damage to the society. So we need to identify the right role-models, project the success stories of the good persons, punishing the really wrong-doors, omnibus good education for all children, broaden mental horizons of the young, and elevate them above narrow proclivities. This should prompt society and nation towards creating  conducive environment for true development. 

Pawan Kumar,

10th April' 2014 Time 19:37 Evening    

(From Shillong Diary 31.01.2000 Time 1:50 Midnight) 

Knowledge & Knowledge

Knowledge & Knowledge

-----------------------------------

Wish for the knowledge because knowledge is the power. But of what knowledge are you interested in is a big question. The world is nothing but knowledge. Hither knowledge, thither knowledge and every where knowledge. Diving in the ocean of knowledge for the knowledge, mired and driven by the knowledge. Knowledge is the only way to attain knowledge. Opening eyes & senses, acutely observing things are the ways to attain knowledge. To tread the paths walked by the knowledgeable persons is also the way to get knowledge. Knowledge is the way to become wise. Knowledge can only do away all ignorance, superstitions and other illusions. Knowledge will drive away downtroddenness, delirium, diffidence, lethargy and self-huntedness. Knowledge about true state of affairs will make persons to find their paths - then they would not mire in the jumbled world. To know the exact path is only way to reach efficiently to one's goals. Otherwise only hit and trials many a times and the whole life is wasted in these trials. Yes, many a times adventures hitherto unexplored, take time to accomplish but they must also start with the existing knowledge. Knowledge is not the heritage of one country, race or person. This has not come out from a single source but is cumulatively gained over the centuries. Yes, blessed are people who always remain in the path of knowledge. Knowing that their knowledge will bring more knowledge brings more knowledge to the world that works for all. So always be in the direction of knowledge each and every moment.       

Pawan Kumar,

9th April, 2014 Time 22:35 Night

(From my Dairy dated 13.12.1998 Time 1:15 Midnight)

Illumination and Distributive Approach

Illumination and Distributive Approach

---------------------------------------------------

Today is the 6th August, the day for which I have got my berth reserved in the train Avadh-Asaam Express to go to home to meet my family and other nears & dears at Delhi. In morning, I got up at about 6 AM, went outside for having brisk morning walk. Remained there for about one hour, came back and took bath. Now I am sitting in chair before table writing this dairy. But whatever I have described is purely mechanical details of life. But these detailing are also necessary so that at least record remains available with you when recalled. On TV in Drawing room, Mr. Asharam Bapu, modern saint is speaking something about yoga and seven chakras (cycles) in the human body. By having control over them, one can gain pure bliss in life by remaining free from the bondage of mental illusion & world's sorrows. Perhaps this is the stage leading to the fully conscious state of mind described as one-point attention (एकाग्रचित्त) in Patanjali's  'Yogadarshanam'.  I want to practice this book in my life because until you have certain rules, principles, practices, habits in the life, a feeling of fullness cannot be attained. The general state of mind should be happy - not of fool's happiness but a wise man's equal resemblance in all situations. 

Although you should not take the world's ills taken for granted and irremovable, you need to be steadfast in your actions. You should not be subdued by others' slight provocations. In morning, I was thinking about Jesus Christ who even pardoned those who had crucified him saying, "God, you forgive them because they do not know what they are doing". This shows how the great persons have such feelings even for others' ignorance. The real action, I think, shall be to remove the ignorance from the minds of people but before that I am required to purify self from inside. My own life is full of inner conflicts, sorrows, stimulating over slight provocations, not very good if not bad feelings for others and remaining in pensive mood at times. So what is required is to keep my mind clean all the times as even the slight layer of dirt will pollute it. Constant dredging is required if I want to run the system efficiently. 

You are reading management nowadays, so try to apply its principles and skills over you and your surroundings. It does not matter whether you are mere a laboratory for experiments but certainly experiments are necessary so as to avail the best conditions. You can see the reactions of stimulants over others, deduct from there and apply over you, if needed. World is very vast and you cannot start ab-initio. Certainly you need others' help for external knowledge. You need to pick the best from available, collect the extract or say nectar (अमृत), and keep it with you. This is the essence of all the existing knowledge, and try to use that for general good of the society. In fact your life should be like a lamp or deepak to illuminate others but before that you need be illuminated also. The great persons have always aspired for this illumination and have spent their whole lives to attain that. 

To become like Buddha, you will have to make sacrifices, meditations, bear sufferings of whether hardships, public agonies and departure from dear ones. But when you have made the whole world as your home, there is nothing exclusive. You are living for the common cause, Intellect then becomes the common property, and there is no binding of rules of Intellectual Property Rights. Then you are living for the general humanity. You do not charge for small gifts rather you feel indebted to the world for giving a place here, and showering its blessings. 

Whatever are you today is because of the existing resources of the world only. You are not a producing man rather a consuming fellow, and world's obligations are more over you than yours over it. And even if you think that world has not given you anything, it is always better to give than to receive. So there should be a 'distributive' approach. The Mother Nature containing Sun, earth, moon, wind, trees, rivers, etc. is always there to exhaust itself for the general but you see there is replenishment. When the tree sheds its leaves, new ones start erupting from it. River, quenching thirst of many in its way, constantly go on flowing because there is a system of regeneration may be by rainfall, melting of snow from mountains, lakes or so. 

So the message is if you take care of others, others shall respond positively. But for doing well, you should aspire nothing in exchange. That is the principle to remain happy. What point I want to describe is that you cannot become Buddha in one day but it takes years' planning, practice, meditation to gain that recognition. Way is certainly difficult but rewards are huge. Buddha has become eternal entity for the coming years. His meditative happy face goes on inspiring lot of mortal ones like us. You can also become Gandhi but for that require preservance, intelligence, aims chosen, his sensitivities towards public sufferings, clarity of mind, principles of life, etc. like virtues. Moreover he did not gain recognition in one day but took years for achieving that position.

Pawan Kumar,

7th April, 2014 Time 00:24 Midnight 

( From my Shillong dairy 6th August'1999 Time 8:30 AM)

Fighting Ignorance

Fighting Ignorance

----------------------------

Again I am trying to write something with sleeping eyes, trembling hands, wearing woolen cap over head and covered in the quilt, sitting in sofa just to pick up some moments for me. Before that I was trying to read something but mind is not cooperating - looking words without understanding meaning, looking as if stone is thrown in to the lake making some small ripples and vanishing. The mind is just going in the downing state.

The book was '100 Great Books' of Rupa Publications - the summary of books. The reviews opened were of books 'Vanity Fair' by VM Thackaray and 'The Magic Mountain' by Thomas Mann. 

What has happened to me,
Reading is very less now a days and  thinking very small.

Looks as if I am just passing the time,

and the youth is flowing rapidly.

Question is how to realize the 'living' in me,
and the very purpose of life.

Although I daily try to justify my livelihood,

even meticulously caring petty things for fashioning them good.

Surely I am not a 100% quality man
but definitely I try with utmost care.

No one suspects my confirmations, sincerity and commitment

but even then there is always a scope for better performing.

Besides my office & job, 

there is also something which I should call as my own life.

Solely thinking and trying to adopt the just way,

and that is my life.

All this is trying to find 'me' in me
in this lone, quiet midnight.

When everybody is in the bosom of dreams

I am just trying to fight for me.

Certainly some 'rest' is required
not only for me but for everybody.

But 'how' much of that is really needed,

Somebody should suggest how can I win this sleep.

Life is small-
no one knows when to go.

Where to go, how to go, why to go,

whom to go and still more what to do.

The great 'Poet Pradeep' has just passed away,
writer of  patriotic song 'Ae mere vatan ke logo'.

The great inspirer during the Indo-Chinese war of 1962,

yes people like him persuade others to live for the country.

Yes everyone has to go,
and he also went.

But before that he gave him a name,

and did something memorable, really achievement.

You get Life only once to be lived
Fill that with full grace, hope and some good to others.

Serving everyone all the times, 

and dedicating it to the humanity.

Pawan Kumar,

6th April' 2014 Time 18:36 evening

(From my dairy dated 11th December' 1998 Time 12 Midnight)

Of Reading and Conscious Feeling

Of Reading and Conscious Feeling

-----------------------------------------------

Life is again starting on these pages on 5th October'1998 at time about 11:35 in the night. I daily think that I should write but  due  to lack of determination, schedule things go without being happened. Actually I find very less time from reading. On working days, it is the office and then home, some TV and some reading. On holidays, my time is spent on reading only which is mainly of books, and many a times even newspaper goes without fully being read. Reading is really very good bringing closer to things / people certainly in a  better way than we can perceive of our own. It acquaints us with persons of great minds, breaks all myths about things, does away all fears and makes more friendly with the environment. Over the time, I have tried to improve my reading material. Now I take more and more interest in books of many disciplines. It provides me a broad pyramidal knowledge base explaining things in a more conclusive way. 

How should I take things - I should not loose my patience all of sudden and also see the better side of aspects. My mind should be open and it should work like a sieve retaining only  the coarse advantageous material or essence and letting pass all the non-required stuff. Certainly such attitude shall bring me close to the persons of right attitudes. 

What is my aim in life - this is the biggest question today for me. Because the life I am passing has become a habitual type - attending office, reading, seeing TV, gossiping / passing time with my family, etc. All sort of happiness, sorrows, mental agonies, work / family tensions are part of my life now. It can be said that my life is of a typical household. But beyond this survival, what is my aim - this is to be pondered without which there cannot be any solution to life. Life is the biggest riddle that needs to be solved. 

Of many ordinary people's life, the mere sustenance is earning both ends meals. For some riches, life is just enjoying with their fortunes, and for many middle ones life is a mix of sorrows and some happiness. On individual level how do we live life is the parameter of our consciousness? Some people are more adapted to their habits and take their day's journey in a fixed pattern. But in this modern age, there is a  little left time for being bound in old rigid schedules. Life has become so much hectic and multi-dimensional that one hardly finds time to go as per fixed pattern. But even then there requires some solace to our lives. Perhaps our the loftiest goal can be to realize life in us. What is the consciousness, are we really able to know our lives and live as per our rules? Does the life exist beyond the seemingly material external world or is our consciousness a permanent type material? There are many religious books which try to present answer to this question but foremost is to realize solution in ourselves.

Pawan Kumar,

5th April, 2014 Time 23:55 Night

(From My Diary dated 5th October'1998)       

Inner Development

Inner Development

----------------------------

Many a times it is spoken of the Inner Development. What is this? Perhaps this is broadening your mind's horizons by keeping away the petty problems of day to day life - meaning that untoward happenings or spontaneous problems occurred in a moment or bad phase of life should not bring disturb your ultimate aim in the course of life. Or broadly the situation arisen should be able to find solutions of its own at the earliest possible and should not be allowed to be dragged making adverse impact on life. It may also mean to have a broad outlook in life. You should not give much importance to the little problems not in their mitigating process but in having bearing on your mind. So have Ultimate Aim as the only way to develop your inner being. Be self-confident while handling problems. Do not loose your temper with little things. Be a man of broad horizons.

Pawan Kumar,

3rd April' 2014 Time 23:31 Night

(From Dairy dated 4th October' 1997)

Writing and Bigger Pursuits of Life

Writing and Higher Pursuits of Life 

Of whatever great men I have read, were very active. Always holding pen in the hands, they were on the path of their pursuits. Writing in fact was imperative for them. They did not tire easily and always strove for the greater cause. Life  for them is not to stale, stink or stop but to feel the sense of liveliness in self. Stop if any, is only for taking some rest and making self ready for further journey. Life is a stop-less journey spending its each & every moment fully for some bigger cause. One should ponder his strategy and philosophy of life whether it is a thing to go on without even knowing what is this? The life is not a lesser thing and its working needs be done on mental plane. In earlier times the ascetics living in forests had enough time to think deeply and explain it in their own ways. Many had firm belief that there is a soul in every body which exists even before the body incarnates on the earth and even after its death. But the real question is to know this soul. 

I have not much experienced the true ecstasy in my life. However when alone, I become sentimental sometimes and go soon searching self in me. But those moments are of great pleasure as if it is the biggest pursuit one can aspire. But my progress is not consistent. I am a person little reading this or that but find small time for self-explanation. The reading is of all sort of materials but the writing is quite directionless. Though the main concentration is on self, I have not been able to fathom my inner world so far. The reading may be on exterior world but that does not surface much in writings. May be it is because I don't write regularly due to lethargy or so. The question is what to write and what not? I feel that the contents of writings is not rich and it just fills some pages/lines of the paper. Sometimes I think that I am not capable of good writing and before that I need to read as maximum as possible. 

But many great persons had started penning when they were very young.  Sarojini Naidu wrote a very long poem at 13 years age. Keats left a vast treasure of his good poetry though he died at very young age. Bhartendu Harishchandra started new world of Hindi khadi boli literature and contributed vast before departing this world at only 34 years age. Vivekananda died when he was only 39 years but before that he had benefited this world with his indispensable wisdom. Certainly the true brilliance does not require maturity by age. One can attain good toughness of mind even in the tender age by training, however, one has to sacrifice his little happiness for the greater cause. People left their jobs, professions for espousal of greater goals. I read that Dr. Ambedkar left his job for the pursuit of knowledge / education and greater cause of social justice. There have always been some persons who are free of all prejudices and are really capable to tell people about their darkness and suggest better ways to enlighten their internal spaces. And the great men really do so to awaken the commoners to make them realize of the bigger pursuits to aspire for.

Pawan Kumar, 

2nd April, 2014 time 00:09 Midnight

(From My diary dated 24th May, 1998)