Before Life Starts

Before Life Starts

This poem explores the feeling of uncertainty & introspection before embarking on the journey of self-discovery & life's true meaning. Written in a reflective tone, it delves into themes of personal growth, the longing for clarity, and the aspiration to break free from the limits we impose on ourselves. It captures the fragile balance between seeking understanding and coming to terms with one’s place in the vastness of life and the universe.

 

Lying in bed, neck on the bedhead pillows

Nothing in the mind, just dare to open some windows.

Where this hand takes me, nothing is known
Embroiled in myriads, feel everything is forgone.
What is my role in the life yet to come?
I am just sleeping, and life has not begun.

A mirror of life—I long to see in my face
To know how I stand, and what is my base.
The commentary on life was once my dream
But perhaps forgotten now in life’s real stream.

Everything feels empty, both in mind and sight
Mired in darkness, with no glimpse of light.
I dreamt, someday I’d take a long flight
But when that day comes, the wait is a fight.

Immaturity of mind and personality, I see
Yet I yearn for some sanity in me.
Not just passing through nights and days
But standing forthright, finding new ways.

Your kindness alone shall help pave my way
If only you’d find time to embrace my dismay.
Neither the pleasure of sleeping nor dreaming
But to see life truly, in its living and meaning.

When the goddess of learning shall grant her boons
Though I’ve done little to earn her silver spoons.
The essence of life, I haven’t grasped yet
Even so, I aspire to be her quiet pet.

Essentialities of life I can chart into
Dignities of Eternity I can fit into.
Responsibilities toward self I must own and see,
And life—mine and the world’s—is true to be.

 

Pawan Kumar,

20^th April 2025, Sunday, 12.28 P.M., Berhampur (Odisha),

From my Diary dated  22^nd August 2009, Saturday, 11.50 PM

 

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About the Author:

Pawan Kumar is a contemplative writer and poet who reflects deeply on life’s struggles, joys, and uncertainties. His works explore themes of self-awareness, personal growth, and the eternal search for meaning in both the mundane and extraordinary. Often using poetry as a means of personal reflection, the author is driven by the pursuit of clarity, embracing both vulnerability and strength in the process of self-discovery. The author finds inspiration from their journey through life, always striving to understand the universe’s vastness and his place within it.

🖼️ The Canvas Within A Reflection on Self, Struggle, and the Subtle Purpose of Life

🖼️ The Canvas Within

(A Reflection on Self, Struggle, and the Subtle Purpose of Life)

✨ Introduction

We often find ourselves swept up in the everyday—meeting deadlines, meeting expectations, and managing tasks, while barely pausing to ask: What are we becoming? This piece is a quiet journey into that question. Through reflection on the mundane and the meaningful, I’ve tried to explore how we shape our lives—and how, in turn, our lives shape us.

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📜 Main Essay

Yes, a man ought to see the broad canvas of life—add sweetness to the daily mundane work sphere around and make that time the most useful. We are all, in some way or another, fastened into many kinds of traps daily—caught pondering over the situation and what can be done with it, often wrapped in some form of anxiety: how to handle the given tasks efficiently and earn the accolades of others, particularly seniors. We judge situations from our standards, lifestyles, mentalities, and attitudes—how we interpret Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats (SWOT), along with our inner perplexities and hesitations. Then we decide—how or whether—to act on the tasks in front of us.

An able person always fills himself with meaningful tasks, even if they are not outwardly imposed. We often find ourselves burdened by others' expectations—whether we meet them or not. Yet, depending on how our sincerity and working style are perceived, people form their opinions about our usefulness, adequacy, and reliability. Life becomes a bundle of mental constructions—not just our own, but those others make about us. These constructions don’t form overnight; our subconscious, over time, processes each interaction and influence—and we respond accordingly.

We make perceptions ourselves, but those too are shaped by how others behave, react, respond, communicate, and present themselves. We observe how an individual supports us in shared pursuits, how they engage in learning, and how much they commit themselves to producing results that serve a common purpose.

In truth, we are complex machines in ourselves, working incessantly on the innumerable facts spread around—especially the immediate ones. We may not be grand visionaries, often unable to see beyond the pressing needs of the day. Daily chores consume so much time and energy that little is left for deeper pursuits—the “Doodle-Dos.” Some get absorbed into superficialities: the externals, the pass-times, the fake smiles, the opinions formed too quickly, even as they carry deep doubts about their ability or worth.

This is the paradox—we often fail to shape our present in a way that prepares us for the best possible future. We feel fractured, fragmented, uncertain, hollow at times. Yet with just a little more effort, a little more inner work, we could cultivate the trust, appreciation, and worth we seek—not from others alone, but from within.

If we are to act within a system, we must learn to sit with the appropriate thoughts, correct faults, strengthen the inner being, realign ourselves with purpose, and come above the pettiness that binds us. We must remember: that we have been given enough time and energy—we only need to redirect them wisely.

We must strive to understand our broader reason for coming into this life. To advocate the right values. To inspire the good in others. It is a quiet tragedy when people die silent deaths—never knowing their truest selves, never stepping outside their self-constructed limits, never seeing themselves as part of a greater design.

Why can’t we come out as strong men and women—breaking all the shackles that hold us down? Why can’t we rise, proving to the world we are second to none? We, too, can help this world run better. We can build a better understanding. We can spread light. We can connect in a common cause, purge our vices, and begin walking the path that leads us to universal truth.

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🌌 Closing Thought

Admittedly, we are small in ourselves—perhaps even like specks of dust. But we are also cogs in the broader scheme of the Universe. That, perhaps, is the essence of life: to dedicate ourselves to that higher unfolding.

And now, especially with the divine grace we cherish, the cause becomes even more sacred. It must inspire us to become better human beings—helping one and all, with sincerity, strength, and a deeper commitment to the good.

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Pawan Kumar,

Berhampur, 6^th April 2025, Sunday, Time 1:49 A.M.

From Berhampur (Odisha) diary dated 5^th December 2024, Thursday, 9.46 A.M.

✍️ About the Author

A quiet thinker rooted in everyday experiences, the author reflects on self-worth, spiritual insight, and subtle inner growth. His voice resonates with those who seek purpose amidst routine and peace within the effort. He writes not to preach—but to pause, and understand.