The Discipline of Time: A Lyrical Audit

                           

This reflection serves as an audit of efficiency & opportunity (Kairos). Written at a moment of acute awareness regarding the passage of time, it critiques the gap between intent & action, driven by the imperative to emulate historical "colossuses" before the "best period" of physical strength is fully spent.

 

Each day presents a challenge, so draw the best from the options found;

Yet that full tapping of my inner strength is not yet known or crowned.

 

I conceive a title that would further all true improvement;

But the quick passage of time leaves the mouth just agape.

Why can I not seize the tenets of time, where efficiency is built?

And truly transform the self as others, producing real worth for all?

 

Why is my will not the core of my disciplined self?

Why can I not chart issues with a simple pen and paper?

I can also do a bit, but not only to daydream and retreat;

Enhance memory & writing power, heeding the inner environment?

 

Almost half a life has passed with the best time of physical strength.

I vow to strengthen the core, but time will surely take its final toll.

I must be keenly aware, how much precious time remains in hand,

And can I do something remarkable, to admit then, with no regret?

 

I am now able to select the path and bring forth concrete results;

To make a big goal with intermittent steps to contribute to the daily.

Write daily, maybe at night, as the dawn is for Kadambari translation;

Even that should have been done; such time management is overdue.

 

Do a bit more of life each day, adding internal & external resources;

I am meant to be helpful, soothing the agonies of many like hearts.

Accomplish great adventures, touching on some unusual aspects;

I should seek new dimensions daily to fill the vessel of enrichment.

 

What am I to make of life’s entity, and endeavor all the time?

To engross fully in that task and take each necessary step with intent.

I need to craft a physical environment for a setting of efficiency.

And monitor the progress daily, lest vital things should slip.

 

Be like Dostoevsky, Samuel Johnson, or the great mind of Shakespeare?

Or like Goethe, Dante, Tennyson, Hemingway, or the clear vision of Orwell?

When will I labor on something lasting, as Time is scarce at hand?

But whatever is here, use it optimally; that alone will bring some solace.

 

See Tulsi, Kali, Surdas, Banabhatt, Magh, Bihari, Keshav Das, or so;

Or Ambedkar, with gigantic study & writing, and the big social movement.

A great power is hidden in the man's atoms, and I can also invigorate;

Why remain docile, slothful, unfulfilled, just watching all merely pass?

 

Key to all aspects is the Determination, imbuing both quantity & quality;

If unable to gather many in number, even then, give something unusual.

See Jai Shankar Prasad, Bharatendu Harish Chander, or Vivekananda’s focused life,

Or Keats, Mozart, or Shankaracharya: in a short span, they gave ultimate worth.

 

Stay intelligent & focused, but know that companions can help;

Try the best for yourself first, but the association can strengthen too.

In some two & quarter years of blogging, I have published 180 posts;

Also, some writing is done, but the necessary pace needs to be increased.

 

Make life a worthwhile entity; don’t let it slide unchecked in its own way.

Knowledge only emerges with interactions, but not exclusively outside.

Own meditations & analysis, the right phenomenon is checking the truth;

Living certainly is to be made marvellous by self-working & help only.

 

Enhance self by adopting efficiency tenets; surely it will demand much,

But rewards are fabulous if successful in this fierce orientation with self.

Talk with some successful people, and cultivate true teachers near you,

But if interaction fails, then be a self-teacher, as said by the Buddha.

 

A legendary self is wrought only by rigorous work on oneself.

So be attuned to the core self, and do not let its potential slip for good.

 

Pawan Kumar,

31^st October, 2025, Friday, 01:14 AM (Midnight), Berhampur (Odisha)

(My Diary, 2^nd July 2016, Saturday, 8:23 PM, New Delhi)

 

The Pursuit of Sagacity: A Reflection

The Pursuit of Sagacity: A Reflection

 

This document is a powerful meditation on intellectual humility and the path to wisdom. It charts the author’s frustrated ambition to grasp the complexities of philosophical "giants" like Nietzsche and Kant, asserting a path forward: a commitment to rigorous discipline and the realization that his life is a form of "world's capital"—a resource that must be wisely invested rather than solely consumed.

 

I must also produce some philosophy now; I cannot spend time unwisely.

A sagacity mode must enter, and guide me towards ultimate serenity and truth.

 

Though not expecting the climax instantly to surface, as not yet full-fit to embrace;

I stand on some scale, or at a single step, in the full elevation of ultimate reality.

I do not know how that wisdom comes, but practice in that direction will lead.

Yet I realize that others of my age or even younger have attained immense maturity.

 

The core idea is to be more serious in brooding and extract life's precious nectar.

I must know how to smile enough and share serenity with the people I contact.

Maturity arrives when one starts generalising, and experimentation subsides a little.

But science says to do these modes simultaneously so as to achieve a good whole.

 

I write & cogitate a bit, though not knowing the quality, but I intend on colossal output.

The goal is bigger than me, and triumph is difficult, but my efforts must not go to waste.

At present, it is just warming up, but I can practice rigorously to turn into a true expert.

It is a self’s game, to be won by the self only, and each move will lead to immensity.

 

I talk a lot around me, but perhaps fail to extract meanings out of this delirium.

Surely doubtful, I beat about the bushes, and do not leave this great fool world.

But one type of thought does not lead much; I remain stranded & make no progress.

So train Body & mind correctly, and think to benefit from their good health.

 

Come out of the self to realize full humanity, and brood on general working principles;

Many good aspects are scattered everywhere, but I can establish one small point.

The only thing is to think deeply, say what does that mean, and how does it work.

Not just the touching, but try hard to understand its definition & the concepts behind.

 

Many books lie on my shelves, written by the legends who brood on immensity;

I also try with myself, but I don’t know when the beauty of words will surface.

Still in the first phase, I experiment like a child with things nearby & learning lessons;

I interact with all types & behave thus, though I don’t know the ultimate relevance.

 

Some 15 years ago, Usha said, I don't focus on one point and tend to jump;

She is also correct, similarly, that I must strive to come out of this ‘I-ness’.

The outside world is beautiful; cogitate on that, and derive some good principles.

Satish Saxena says my writings are a bit complex, yet learned have yet to interact.

 

It is a philosophy to understand oneself first, and then relate to the vast humanity.

I am also not different, and working on myself becomes the most beautiful part of it.

Life around me is immense, and each thing is in process for a bigger purpose.

We all construct this vast life around, and all are important on the ultimate scale.

 

I read some philosophers like Friedrich Nietzsche, a German essayist & cultural critic;

His writings are on truth, mortality, language, aesthetics, cultural theory, and nihilism.

The power, consciousness, & existential meaning have influenced Western thought a lot;

He has given the enduring and powerful idea that God is dead.

 

The problem is that I read these great men a bit, but don't understand them fully.

Admittedly, interaction is very little; the concepts are bigger than my simple intellect.

The time given is inadequate, so spare a focused self to understand them.

Plus, be serious in critical thinking; just a surface-level whitewashing is a waste.

 

Judging reveals quite an inadequate feeling; I just roam, while others do great.

So, learn from people how they do it benignly, and best use the available time.

To join the line of colossuses, do something great, and give to the world?

My life is the capital for the world, for its different uses; I don't solely own it.

 

As Immanuel Kant says, man can't know all, and we are limited in everything.

The child is mainly in an experimenting phase and gains life's core lessons.

But the adolescents develop the courage to generalize the essential principles.

And they derive pleasure from them, while the adults see principles focused.

 

So first, acquaint yourself with such great minds and learn the peripherals.

Then go to the core, embracing the deep philosophy to make some sense.

The problem is that within a limited time & mind, I want to grasp everything.

Maybe interaction with the unusual can cause frustration & distance too, at times

 

Everything needs a good mind framing first, so always learn something or other.

Life bestows its blessings on the serious & zealous to move ahead unwaveringly.

Know how to train the mind into a studious mode and make sense from interactions.

By staying with good & wise persons, we can also gain some of life's great lessons.

 

At times, I think of myself as an adult and hence should understand everything.

But realize that the topics & subjects are complex, which often fly over the head.

You must understand that people work endlessly to develop themselves.

Concepts are difficult and need rigorous training to glimpse even a vague insight.

 

Then what to do with myself: just let it remain frustrated, or remain curious?

The latter is beneficial; at least some nearby is understood, and I can learn more.

Though not the best of all, I can try to be my finest, whatever is possible.

With a bit more effort, better learn the concepts that seem perplexing now.

 

I am reading a great book, ‘Everything is Fucked - A book about Hope’;

The writer Mark Manson has also written 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’.

It is a philosophical-cum-psychological work; I itch to know Newton, Nietzsche & Kant.

They are the world’s giants, but we can know, and possibly can pick a bit from them.

 

Readings have shaped me into what I am today, sometimes even during the day

But it should germinate in me too; life’s mortification is one of the main goals.

I am to order myself in the correct direction; many effects consistently shape.

That I can sit with myself gives solace, and not feel ashamed of whatever I am.

 

I don't recall all the great authors, but wisdom interacts with texts & interactions.

I should use that in daily behaviour, making life serene for myself and others.

I meet many people, friends, and I should project myself as a working official.

They expect good projects, as a lot of my good time passes there each moment.

 

Thematic Summary

The Epistemological Struggle: The text is defined by an epistemological (knowledge-based) struggle, tracing human development from the experimental child phase to the generalizing adolescent phase, seeking the ultimate principle-focused adult stage, as referenced through the work of Immanuel Kant.

The Discipline of Sagacity: The primary goal is the attainment of sagacity, which is posited as an act of will—a required self-ordering and training of the mind—rather than a passive acquisition.

The Problem of "I-ness": The work critically examines the concept of "I-ness" (ego/self-absorption) and advocates for an outward-facing philosophy where the individual life is viewed not as personal property, but as capital for the world's greater use, echoing existentialist & utilitarian principles.

 

Pawan Kumar,

22^nd October, 2025, Wednesday, Time 10.15 A.M.

(From my Dwarka, New Delhi Diary dated 27th October 2020, Tuesday, 8:41 AM) 

The Cog & the Capital: A Manager’s Audit

                                   The Cog & the Capital: A Manager’s Audit

(A Philosophical Self-Audit on Duty & Imperfection)

This document is a rigorous philosophical & professional self-audit, penned in a poetic, stream-of-consciousness style on a single working morning in 2017. The author channels the Stoic rigor of Epictetus to examine the inherent conflict between the personal ego ("prejudiced by self") and the necessity of command ("The Imperative of Authority"). It explores the burden of leadership—the need for efficiency, the struggle with human imperfection, and the moral duty to serve a "larger interest" by treating one's life as the "world's capital." The text is a raw, powerful meditation on how to lead with a clear heart in a demanding corporate system.

 

I am what I think, always: whether noble, base, or otherwise;

But can I not mould these thoughts to a purpose beyond my present sphere?

 

I. The Stoic Imperative

What I ponder throughout the day, by night, at dawn, or during office hours:

Is it meant to serve humanity more greatly, or am I merely prejudiced by self?

Admittedly, there is some inherent power built, but is that being rightly governed?

One operates purely by impulse, granting no deference to others' sentiments.

 

Let me conduct this research upon myself; Epictetus demands constant self-audit.

What is the true substance of me, and my parents have already found their rest.

I have family, relatives, some friends, and known ones, if I can claim so;

I have an office to work in, some books to read, and a diary for inner discourse.

 

II. The Corporate Dialectic

I have office colleagues, juniors, seniors, and a firm framework of government rules;

I receive directives from superiors: they wish and expect me to yield the best.

I contend with a demanding client, who has scrutinized me from all angles,

Though its people are now quite friendly, and guide and fully support in proposed solutions.

 

My position fills me with complexity, always demanding some action or decision;

It sets my focus, but has many assignments, thus it prohibits idleness.

I have a client’s patriarch, who has started vesting belief in my strenuous efforts;

I am also delivering through sincerity; great efforts always manifest good results.

 

I utilize a common office vehicle, which conveys me from point to point.

The driver Dayanand is a sincere fellow, fully devoted to his duties.

I sense people fear a little, but within, I grant them respect also.

My mandate is to sow confidence, resisting the snare of quick suspicions.

 

III. The Calculus of Human Flaw

I internalize that all people are flawed and bear shortcomings of every type;

Their minds hold value judgments, which shape their calculus in action.

They harbor words of fear, and bear all premonitions with stretched minds;

They have their physical-mental limitations, some innate and some acquired.

 

If I carry a bias against a particular person, is my thinking justly founded?

I have not checked across a sufficient period, and offered chances to improve upon.

But is that failing so critical that I cannot endure it daily?

All always have a season for learning, but one should at least strive for mastery.

 

IV. The Imperative of Authority

What is the core problem, whether it is an administrative defect or a personal failing?

I am basically not sure how directing or treating one causes him to out-cry.

He may deem me a bully or one keeping the office atmosphere tense.

Is this driven by personal demand, necessary style, or just checking others without reason?

 

I am plain-hearted; I voice my mind where improvement is necessitated.

Yes, I am also bound to answer for my aspirations and committed to myself at times.

I am compelled to be a little harsh; it requires my role to demand so.

Efficiency doesn’t emerge suo-moto; people, at times, must be told in unequivocal terms.

 

All do not grasp action suo-moto; my mind alone discerns the optimal path.

Being the head, the responsibility is to set priorities and time limits; many tasks are at hand.

Others must not lose sight of the total process and be with the scheme of things.

People are intelligent but often in a dilemma, or inclined to body ease and procrastination.

 

V. Management Philosophy

I have learned Modern management over the years, which can be practiced in the field.

How to align people to cherished goals, and what is the ideal way to tune the will?

My purpose is to produce the best results and enrich people with meaningful experiences.

With integrity, they will also benefit; yet you cannot transform all as you wish.

 

But people should accept orders heartily, and the Intelligent perceive the mind's intent.

The given situation sets the priorities; I am to yield my best and show only relevance.

I want to teach the juniors to practice efficiency and heed what the seniors convey.

Their experience and position grant them an edge, even if their stature seems low at times.

 

I am a cog in the overall process; even one loosened belt affects the entire system.

If only the brakes of a cab are defective, even the best drivers fail to avert accidents.

Or its speed will be so diminished that the efficiency will be nowhere near.

Respect is earned by hard work alone; all should internalize this truth always.

 

VI. The World's Capital

Maintain positive relations amongst ourselves and honor what the next one intends;

I simply ignore because of ease, and do not think that others can harm the system.

No one has Absolute freedom available; I must resolve my mind to labor diligently.

Articulate doubts, but avoid overriding, and keep the larger interest in mind.

 

This life is not merely mine, but Nature’s deep repository, and the world’s capital;

This existence is not for self-amusement, but a vehicle to fulfill a grand design.

The machine itself is neither good nor bad, but defined by how it functions in practice.

Man is a tool for the world, an employer, a customer; only the self’s focus is incomplete.

 

Everybody analyses others, me too, with my small mind;

Inseparable from humanity’s others, I also have all the vices & virtues.

All people form judgments, whether they are good or bad.

I also decide what is better, and then step in that chosen direction.

 

VII. Tolerance and Limits

So, do I become so good or bad if I think according to established patterns?

I also have the right to act as I think, but that must be a measured section of effort.

Bear with people to the possibility, and not to perpetually hammer on the breast.

Human relations are slow to develop; don’t expect to reach full maturity in a single day.

 

But don’t tolerate insubordination; yes, I retain the right to speak my mind;

When perceiving myself to be genuinely sincere, I will willingly adjust my perceptions.

Yes, radical improvement cannot happen in a single day; it demands great patience.

I am also tolerant of present situations and others; a mishap can happen with anyone.

 

VIII. The Need for Efficiency

But it is not my fiefdom; my mandate is to present the visual results.

With the inefficient operation & limited resources, sustenance is difficult; it only compounds.

All must contribute fully to their capacities; this can align to produce great results.

Life supports all who work hard, but if seniors fail to produce, you must investigate.

 

But I am not the sole factor in the scheme of things; external interruptions also occur.

They present their pristine expectations to the department, sometimes unavoidable.

I can’t ignore those external mandates, even when much improvement is obscure

I should notice these necessary behaviors; otherwise, things can rapidly worsen.

 

This is a small place with limited manpower, and their designated roles are paramount.

They must attune to the organization's expectations and must exert their best to meet them.

My personal life is automatically supported when done in the overall interests.

It is not only the self but the whole world; I should dedicate all effort to sustain it.

 

IX. Final Audit

I am just indicating here what occupies my mind, though not giving names, etc.

Maybe I will forget this composition after some time when I read it again.

But something should be general, a probability for omnibus thought;

In competitive work, I must labor intensely and be masked as things.

 

Personally, I also need to cultivate a large-heartedness and a smiling persona;

I should see good points also in people, not to approach them with a skewed vision.

I must fill confidence in them, and actively inspire them to avoid plotting rebellion.

Wars are won by the heart’s victory; respect is earned and not merely gifted.

 

Undertake some lateral thinking, can a small extra effort improve things?

Why only see the parts, they may presently conform to expectations?

If not, what means are available for improvement, and whether I tried them?

The Brahmastra must be reserved until all other options are truly exhausted.

 

But great projects require great effort; not everyone possesses the same capacity.

Good and sincere people are the world's assets; deploy such men to the maximum.

People fear trying and experimenting with self; each holds some unique solution.

Seriousness makes people improve, yes, a slightly longer time may be taken.

 

Now I close this discussion, but I need to be a little more pious and clear-hearted.

Focus efforts in that spiritual direction, and expect great goods from the Almighty.

 

Thematic Summary

The Epictetan Audit: The core structure is a practical application of Stoicism, specifically the Dichotomy of Control—distinguishing the narrator's personal thoughts and actions from external circumstances and others' inefficiency.

The Existential Man: The tension between the self and the "larger interest" (Section VI) positions the narrator as an Existential Man—one who finds purpose not in self-amusement, but in fulfilling a Grand Design as a "tool" of the "World Employer."

The Ethical Imperative: The text constantly grapples with the Categorical Imperative of leadership: the duty to demand efficiency (the logos or reason of the system) while maintaining a "clear heart" and granting tolerance (the ethos or morality).

 

Pawan Kumar,

Brahmpur (Odisha), 18^th October, 2025, Saturday, 12.14 AM (Midnight)

(From my Mahendergarh (Hr.) Diary, dated 29th March 2017, Wednesday, 7:00 AM)